For PirateDaddy

Under the weight of your wings
You are a god and whatever I want you to be
And I wonder if truly you are
Nearly as beautiful as I believe



Anna Nalick, "In My Head"

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The Journey

There seems to be more and more awareness among many in the bloggy places that this is a journey with no apparent destination. By that, I mean that I am here to share my thoughts, my heart, work through the puzzles, celebrate the joys and find meaning and significance in my world. I do so by writing, sharing meaningful things that have been shared by others, and connecting with those I find here.

So it's good to know about this journey and why I'm here, and that even as I travel the path I will never actually arrive - I'm not really trying to go anywhere I'm just living. Knowing this helps me to figure out why I'm NOT here too. I'm not here to impress anyone, or be an expert, or make money. This isn't a sex blog, a BDSM handbook, a motherhood handbook, or anything else. Even if I write about these things, I'm writing from my own limited perspective, and about my own experiences and world; and I'm writing for my own benefit, enjoyment, edification, self-knowledge, and record-keeping purposes. Often this blog is a way for me to mark milestones, bookmark/note things that have touched me, or just have fun.

I've never once looked at statistics related to my blog, I don't have one of those counter thingys, and I doubt very many people even read here. This isn't the interesting stuff found in other places. And that's more than fine with me, since I feel no pressure about this place - it's just my place to share me.

And yet, I do know there are a few people who read here. Some are like-minded folks who share my propensity to find relevance. Some are friends who may not care to figure it all out but still like to keep up with me. Some are lurkers, I think (how would I know for sure? lol) And while there are some that are scattered across the globe whom I've never met in person, there may be others who live nearby and are even friends of or friendly with PirateDaddy and me.

Sometimes I may not say exactly what's in my mind, the way I want to say it, because I'm aware of the audience, however limited it is. There are quite a few who I would actually say anything and everything in front of, because there is a level of trust and awareness that you "get me" that allows me to feel comfortable. But there are times, when local references would be lost on those far away, and times when I feel that too much personal detail could pose a problem in O/our real-time social life. I mean really, all evidence to the contrary in the blog world, there is such a thing as TMI!

So it's one thing altogether to say that this is my blog, it's all about me, I write what I want, I'm not trying to impress anyone (sound childish enough for you yet?) But the reality is, I am aware of constraints, even if they are self-imposed.

So what have I learned and what does this change? Nothing really. I'm still in service to PirateDaddy, and the mother of an 18 year old son. I still work full time outside the home, and do my best inside the home with whats left of my resources. I still try to learn and grow and figure out what serving Him means on a daily basis (it's not always very clear to me, and daily life being what it is, He isn't always 'splaining.) More and more I realize that W/we are just 2 people making their way in the world. W/we find ourselves at home and comfortable in a power-exchange type of relationship, and are very much the sadist and masochist as well. (These things really do not always exist together. Submission does not equal masochism you know.) And often that is all secondary to living in this world, working, interacting with family, caring for parents and children and pets, and the myriad details of all lives, not just BDSM lives.

So it's really a boring place, but it's my place. Am I able to share all my thoughts here? For the most part yes, except for the self-censored bits that I'm more comfortable sharing in private.

It's my little journey, down a path with no specific destination, and I won't ever actually arrive. There may be twists and turns in the path, and I just follow where they lead. It's very fluid and flexible. And that line just got me - because I realize that it's what I strive to be. Fluid and flexible. This blog helps me do that. And I'm grateful.

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H1N1 Paranoia Has Gone Too Far!

Daily Om Again

I can't help it, I just love the Daily Om that arrives in my email inbox each morning.

Here's the one for yesterday, and it's right up the alley I'm traveling at this point in my life. My, how the Universe aligns to help us meet our declared intention!

September 29, 2009
Getting Back to Wellness
Seven Quick Fixes To Feel Better

The signals our bodies use to tell us we need to cleanse ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally are multifaceted and often mirror symptoms we associate with illness. If we heed these signs, we not only feel better quickly but also stave off poor health before it can start. These quick fixes for common ailments can get you started.

1. Applying pressure to the acupressure point between the thumb and forefinger can release blockages causing pain, tension, and fatigue. You can relieve a headache naturally by squeezing for 20 seconds and releasing for 10 seconds, without letting go, four times.

2. To breathe freely, irrigate your nasal passages with a neti pot and warm salt water. As you clear and soothe the sinuses, congestion associated with allergies or infection will gradually disappear.

3. Apple cider vinegar is a powerful purifying and detoxifying agent. Soaking for 20 minutes in a warm bath infused with two cups of apple cider vinegar pulls toxins from the body and can clear blocked energy.

4. The foods you eat can have a profound impact on your outlook and mood. Eating a small yet satisfying meal rich in complex carbohydrates can lift your spirit and help you let go of feelings of anger, irritability, and depression.

5. Anxiety and fear dissipate quickly when countered with conscious breathing because concentrating on the breath enables you to refocus your attention inward. You can ground yourself and regain your usual calm by taking a series of deep belly breaths as you visualize your feet growing roots that stretch miles down into the earth.

6. Though tuning out can seem counterproductive, a few minutes spent lost in daydreams or listening to soothing music can help you see your circumstances from a new angle when you feel frustrated.

7. If you feel ill health coming on, brew a wellness elixir. Simmer three sliced lemons, one teaspoon freshly grated ginger, one clove freshly minced garlic, and one quarter teaspoon cayenne pepper in five cups water until the lemons are soft and pale. Strain a portion into a mug and add honey by tablespoons until you can tolerate the taste. Drinking this potent mixture of antibacterial, antiviral, and antifungal ingredients three times each day can ensure your symptoms never progress into a full-blown illness.

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Keeping Body and Soul Together

Too much healthy is still too much. (The Leader of my WW group said that this past week.)

If we can remember that our physical reality is most often the result of our inner thoughts and beliefs, we can make changes more easily by going inward. By creating a mental vision of the changes we want to make in our lives, we begin shifting our belief system to more closely fit with the reality we want to create externally. (my Daily Om last Friday.)

Catching up on the past 2 weeks of "Sunday Morning" (CBS) I realize I want to visit more National Parks. I've been to some, am happy to return to them, and would like to visit parks I've never been to before. Just "being" in nature is powerful for our total health I believe.

And another segment on "Sunday Morning" about Steinway and Sons pianos brought tears to my eyes and goosebumps to my skin. I love the sound of a piano. Always have.

Finding the things that feed me is worth the effort. Good food feeds my body, movement and activity energizes my body (I refuse to call it exercise - negative connotation.) But what feeds my soul? What energizes my mind? What fills my heart?

Taking the time to prepare and eat good food is important. So is taking the time to prepare for and engage in more activity and movement. But that's only part of the story, for if I don't take time to prepare for and engage in those things which stimulate my heart, soul, and mind then I'm not whole nor complete.

I'm working on finding more wholeness.

What about you? What "feeds" you?

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This And That

So I took the blog list off my page - I still read the blogs, but I've been using my reader here at blogger and like it. :)

Heard Bill Maher say "Inertia is the enemy," on his HBO show "Real Time" this past Friday night. I thought about that a bit and realized he's so very right.

LOVE the commercial for etrade that has the baby calling an old man a "shank-a-potatmus" after the golf game. Too funny, and yes, I'm easily amused.

Have really enjoyed preparing and eating some very yummy dishes that were both healthy and satisfying. Especially wonderful when Master and I cook together. Really cool to just create from scratch without following a recipe, and having the finished product be so tasty!

Enjoyed a very fun shopping excursion Saturday to Bass Pro Shops for Master, Victoria's Secret and Bath & Body Works for me.

While at B&B Works I was able to pass on a coupon for 20% off the total purchase to the lady behind me in line since I had 2 and could only use 1. Felt good, much better than throwing it away would have felt.

Mom is doing better, obviously still aging and coping with the RA, but at least at home, and able to get around a little. Still hoping her apartment is ready soon.

Realized this past Wednesday that I felt well physically, and was grateful. Seems like the first day this school year so far that I was healthy.

Have taken steps to improve my health in order to avoid a repeat of the past month. It doesn't happen overnight, so I may need to remind myself to hang in there.

Pondering the future for me at work. Stay the course? Look for different work within my field? Change occupations? Hoping for some clear sign from the Universe to help.

All in all, life is GOOD. Very good.

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Love Without Limits

Unconditional love. Loving someone without placing conditions on how you will give that love. Giving it freely in spite of imperfections in the person you give it to. Not love that says I'll love you if you change. And of course the reverse - receiving love unconditionally, without placing restrictions on how you will accept the love. Simply allowing someone to love you, in spite of your flaws, and in spite of any flaws the giver may also possess.

Loving another without limits changes throughout our lives I think. As children we love freely and give our love and adoration to those around us. We don't demand that our parents treat us better in order to have our love, children just love. As we grow things change, we make friends as we move out into the world. We find significant others in time, and perhaps later we have children. Love relationships do change and grow and evolve over time. A once close relationship grows more distant, and vice versa, depending on our needs and where we are in life.

Of course, I doubt I'll ever find anything to match the unconditional love that my dog had for me. He truly adored me and everything about me. As far as he was concerned I was perfect. Even when I got mad and yelled at him, or didn't take him for a walk, or stayed away from home too long. He was always sooooo excited to see me and loved me soooo much. He absolutely HATED being separated or away from me. No matter how bad I had been he loved me absolutely.

Yet how much more powerful it is when we are loved unconditionally by a person who is aware of our faults and weaknesses and flaws and still chooses to love us. That kind of love isn't often flowery and giggly. Instead it's the realistic eyes open love that says "I love you even though I don't love a behavior of yours. I love you without you having to be different or perform. I love the essence of you."

Both giving and receiving love without limits is humbling. It is large and full and expansive. And when that love is goes away, as in the case of a death, we feel the loss and lack keenly. There is a smallness and emptiness where there used to be fullness. We lose our security.

Loving and being loved without limits allows me to face the world and stand strong. I have the courage to meet challenges because there are people who love me in spite of my negative behaviors (and whom I love in spite of theirs.) Being accepted as we are gives us the ability to step into the light and embrace it, while allowing us to confront the darkness and overcome it. Sure, we want our loved ones to grow, improve, and change negatives into positives for their own well-being, but those negatives don't stop us from loving them.

This topic has made the rounds lately here in blogland and I wanted to mull it over because I believe it to be one of the most profound things we as humans allow into our lives. Allowing ourselves to give love without placing conditions on those we love is so important. In order to reach our full potential, to learn tolerance, and acceptance we need to give love without limits. But receiving love without limits is just as important. In order to have a sense of security and safety, to be a confident and complete person we need to accept that love.

Both sides of loving without limits are important. We cant give to others effectively if we aren't willing or able to receive. Likewise, we cannot accept this love effectively if we aren't willing to extend it as well. Giving and receiving are intertwined, 2 sides of the same coin as it were. If we have problems with either side, there's something amiss which needs to be addressed if we are to ever flourish emotionally.

And I feel like there's still so much more I'm trying to convey, more that I want to communicate about this topic and how I bring the concept more fully into my life. But I'm to the point where more words are not helpful. I guess it boils down to needing to love and be loved with no limits and restrictions in order to be fully who I am meant to be.

Of course I could just get a dog, it's the next best thing. ;)

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