Sad

O/our dog died today.  Well, technically, she died yesterday.
But.
She's gone.
And W/we are sad.
She is the submissive younger sister of O/our dog Duke, who died on 10/8/08.  I've written about her before. The lack of bond I had with her, due in part I think, to her submissive nature.  My bond with her brother was strong and deep, he was my heart and soul in many ways.
But in the past few years I've learned from her.  And grown attached to her.  And I miss her.  Master misses her.  Out vet and his assistants were crying too.
She was a trooper.  She lived through a lot of adversity in her life - many surgeries for a variety of ailments, things that perhaps as the runt of the litter she had to deal with.  Yet she never complained.  Never cried or whined (unless kept separated from us.)
She was long-suffering, perhaps to a fault.  Had she indicated how badly she was feeling W/we could have helped her sooner, made her more comfortable even if W/we couldn't prolong her life.
And in that lies a lesson to me.  From one submissive to another.  Ask for help. Don't be so stoic.  It's not weakness to allow yourself to be a burden to someone else.
She loved to please people - especially Master.  She was a Daddy's girl, like me, even though she clearly respected and obeyed me, our bond just wasn't as strong as hers with PirateDaddy.  Can't fault her for that, He's the one I love to please also.
She was good to the cat, and kind to others.  Protective and affectionate, and sweet natured.
RIP Duchess (12/4/97 - 7/19/11)

Dog's Purpose, from a 4-year-old

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for four-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion.

We sat together for a while after Belker's death,wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The four-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."


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Little Things Can Make A Big Difference

In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I've noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the art of capitalization. For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement:
"Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse."
Is everybody clear on that?

 

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On Quitting vs Letting Go

 W/we've been watching a TV series together called "Men Of A Certain Age".  The episode this week was frustrating to watch as our characters made some poor choices which kept them in destructive or negative patterns in their lives.  And W/we were a bit irritated with the writers for not allowing some good and positive outcomes in the lives of the characters.

One of the characters decided to give up on a life-long dream to be a golfer, and he told his friend it was ok, he didn't need it.  And I think what he was really doing was giving up rather than try, because he felt it was worse to try and fail than to not try at all.

Well tell that to Don Quixote!  Or the ancient proverb (probably Chinese or Japanese) which tells us that success means getting up every time we fall.  Try telling that to my Dad who always told me that nothing beats a failure but a try.  (As a little girl I didn't understand that one very well, but I figured it out in time.)

Our golfer guy, Joe, just gave up rather than face the struggle.  Rather than upset his kids, family, and friends.  Rather than let himself down.  He quit instead.  Irony there, since the ultimate let down is never trying.  Yes, sometimes we do need to let go of dreams or goals or plans that no longer meet our needs or suit our lives.  But that isn't the same thing as quitting to avoid heartache and pain and fear and worry and...oh you get the point.

I hope in time that the writers will help this character develop some, well, character.  I hope that we will see growth, and that he will learn some universal truths.  It's not that I want him to be perfect, and never have problems.  That wouldn't be very interesting nor realistic, and drama does need to be believable.  It's just that I'd like him to not consistently make such poor choices.

And I have no more ability nor control over how the storyline develops with this character than I do with how other people's lives develop. And so often I may have learned and understood and internalized a universal truth, but I can do nothing to impart that wisdom to another.  Sadly, so very often, those truths have to be learned the hard way, and on one's own schedule.  And it remains frustrating to me, the fixer, that I can't give everyone the wisdom they need (according to my mind anyway) when they need it.  I have to shut up and let them find the wisdom for themselves.  And that is hard.  And when the wisdom is found, and forward progress is made, and positive outcomes begin to manifest, I am so relieved, and happy.  Whether it's in the life of a friend, loved one, family member, employee, or acquaintance, it's a beautiful thing when realization dawns and the momentum shifts, and the ultimate provisions of the universe abound.

Letting go of my desire to control and make everything be ok is huge, and a key here.  Letting go.  Let go. Don't worry, don't fret, breathe.  Be prepared for the worst when I can take steps to avoid the worst.  But for situations and people over which I have no control, stop being prepared for the worst, and just let it go.  Being prepared won't make the bad any easier to bear, it really won't. Stop wasting time fretting and worrying and being scared.  Let go.

Try, fail, try again. Let go of fear and worries, breathe.

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Inter-Woven

I was reading some old emails that I had saved, checking to see if I still wanted to keep them after all these years have passed.  It's nice to laugh at the funny ones and think about the serious ones.

One of them ended with this line:

EACH OF US IS A VITAL THREAD IN ANOTHER PERSON'S TAPESTRY.  OUR LIVES ARE WOVEN TOGETHER FOR A REASON.

Well that's the truth.  The tapestry of my life is made up of all that I have encountered and lived.  Whether the thread made a positive contribution to the picture, or perhaps was more of a blemish, it still is altogether that which makes me who I am.  Some encounters were of the finest silken threads in the most lustrous of colors.  Other encounters used rough, dull, sub-standard thread. And some may have used an invisible thread which, while not seen by others, has given strength and support to the whole piece.

Just seeing my name in a sentence always gives me a little thrill, but this one was so evocative of who I am, I had to share. :)

And because it's worth reading, here is the email story that the above thought was part of:

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.  "What food might this contain?"  The mouse wondered.  He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed this warning :  "There is a mousetrap in the house!   There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me.  I cannot be bothered by it." 

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house!  There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray.  Be assured you are in my prayers."

The mouse turned to the cow and said, "There is a mousetrap in the house!  There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap

. . .. Alone……

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.

The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it.  It was a venomous snake whose tail was caught in the trap.

The snake bit the farmer's wife.  The farmer rushed her to the hospital.

When she returned home she still had a fever.  Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup.  So the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient:

But his wife's sickness continued.  Friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock.

To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.  But, alas, the farmer's wife did not get well...

She died.

So many people came for her funeral that the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them for the funeral luncheon.

And the mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

The next time you hear someone is facing a problem and you think it doesn't concern you, remember ---

When one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.  We are all involved in this journey called life.

We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.
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I remain one of the few people I know for whom this lifestyle is not about sex.  And for whom submission is not about taking a beating or being bound.  For me that is the stuff of fun and play, and yes, sex too.  But it's the easy, enjoyable part.  This lifestyle and submission are whole-life encompassing, and much harder to live outside of the bedroom/playroom.

I am reminded over and over again of the inter-connectedness of all of us, and the ripples of energy we send out constantly.  So too, there are constantly ripples of energy coming toward us from others.  How those ripples interact with us and how we choose to pass them on is fascinating to me.  At what point do my actions cease being what I intended and begin being what others perceive them to be? And where does my responsibility lie within that paradigm?

I am gratefully reminded again, by the Daily OM for Friday, May 27, 2011, that I can and should, practice shielding myself from the negative energy of other people.  Even when I know I am not the cause, not the problem, not the one the negativity is directed toward, I am drained through the interaction.  So just mentally reminding myself that this is not my issue does not always help me block the negative energy.  I am glad for the tips and tools for centering and shielding which are provided in the reading, and will work on adopting them for myself.

The past couple of weeks W/we've welcomed O/our son home for the summer from his first year away at university.  He did very well, with a 3.2 his first semester and a 4.0 the second semester.  He's working this summer as an intern in his chosen field, and just broke up with his girl-friend.  He will be fine, I'm sure.

I was asked last month how I was doing with the "empty-nest" thing, to which I replied, "Well I filled it with a husband didn't I?"  In truth, Master is my life, and I am complete.  But I am mentally and emotionally stable enough to be complete even were I alone.  I am able to acknowledge the emotion of wanting to keep my child with me always, and give value to that feeling, while knowing intellectually that his progression into adulthood and out into the world to make his own way is a positive outcome.

And so now that he's back home for a bit, it's nice to have him here, and he's always welcome here, and it's also really nice too when he's away and it's just Master and me.  And that doesn't make me a bad mother, lol.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right
place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
*– Lady Dorothy Nevill*

Oh dear. Something for me to practice for sure.  I am such an open person, not much hidden with me, I say it as I see it.  Perhaps I need to learn that it's not necessary to tell all I know.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
*- Marianne Williamson*

How do we stop being afraid of our power and greatness?  What steps can we take to embrace our light, and let it shine?

You must do the things you think you cannot do.
*- Eleanor Roosevelt*

This may be the first step.  Like the Nike ad said - Just do it!

The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
*- Elbert Hubbard*

This might just be step 2.

I could go on and on I think.  That's the dilemma with this type of rambly, random, brain-dropping sort of entry.  There's no clear beginning, middle, nor end.  There is no one unifying theme of the writing, and once the point has been made you finish.  This is just me sharing little mental snapshots of thought.  I think I'll stop now and let all these little bits sink in and settle and see where I go next.  In general, even with the trials and difficulties in life, of which I do not share much here, but which do exist, even with them, I love life.  I love my life.  I love my Master.  I love my son.  There is very little of importance I would want to change about my life, and the things that aren't important just don't rule the day.  I will not grant them power over my feelings and emotions and energy and actions.  Life is very good.

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Wisdom

So a respected teacher in the area of health once remarked to me that "When hunger is not the problem, food is not the solution."  Well that seemed like a no-brainer, only I realize that for me it isn't.  Food makes the  problems go away, I feel better, so it must have been the solution.  Right?

OK, that was a few years ago, I admit she was right, I know it in my head, and I'm willing to work on remembering and living with that truth.  And guess what I've found out?  It's still hard for me to even KNOW what the problem is.  I don't always recognize that it's not hunger.  I'm such a mess, I can't even tell when I'm hungry and when I've got emotional/psychological issues I'm avoiding.

grrr

I have at least 10 friends/acquaintances that have had bariatric surgery.  Some of them were dealing with additional health problems which needed a rapid weight loss in order to correct/improve.  Others were simply, in one person's words, "choosing ease".  By that, they meant that rather than struggle to lose weight by diet and exercise they chose an easier way to shed the unwanted pounds.  This person, and several others, were shedding the weight for cosmetic reasons, although to be honest their overall health cannot help but be improved.  Anyway, I think to myself constantly about having the procedure done too.  After all, it worked for all of them.  It can work for me.  And then I start to think about why I eat, why I don't exercise, and times in my life when I was successfully watching what I ate and exercising.  And I was very successful.  And I felt great.  The weight creeps back on when I grow comfortable with life and where I am, and stop putting in the work to stay on top of difficult interactions.  I avoid emotional discomfort by eating.  And I know in my heart, that even a few years after a successful surgery, I will revert back to emotional eating patterns unless I get those emotions under control.  I know this because I've seen it happen with 3 close friends.  They, like me, are emotional eaters.  And even though their physiology was changed to facilitate weight loss, they didn't learn how to deal with their difficult issues some other way besides by deadening the pain with food.  And they've all gained all the weight back.  And then some.

So I'm reluctant to have the surgery, because I know that I can succeed when I make up my mind to succeed, and if I don't learn other ways of coping the weight will come back.  In so many ways, it's like the Nike ad "Just do it."  I can and should just do it.  What is holding me back?  That's the million dollar question that I don't have an answer for.  Is it laziness?  Is it fear of the unknown?  ick.

I don't know yet.  But I am remembering that when hunger is not the issue food is not the answer, and that there are always second chances, it's never too late, it's time to work on the rewrite.

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SNL Inspires

Paul Simon was on SNL (Saturday Night Live) yesterday (may have been a re-peat) and he sang these words:

I'm working on my rewrite, that's right
I'm gonna change the ending

The song is called "Rewrite", and it seemed to jump right into my last posting.

Second chances and renewal.  Just because I took the easy way out in the past doesn't mean I will always take the easy way out, it's never too late to start new.  The universe is just waiting to help me.

Lessons converging to help me get the message?  It's never too late to change the ending.

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