Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy All Saints Day Eve!

Or Happy Halloween for short!


Saturday, October 24, 2009

For PirateDaddy

Under the weight of your wings
You are a god and whatever I want you to be
And I wonder if truly you are
Nearly as beautiful as I believe

Anna Nalick, "In My Head"


Saturday, October 10, 2009

The Journey

There seems to be more and more awareness among many in the bloggy places that this is a journey with no apparent destination. By that, I mean that I am here to share my thoughts, my heart, work through the puzzles, celebrate the joys and find meaning and significance in my world. I do so by writing, sharing meaningful things that have been shared by others, and connecting with those I find here.

So it's good to know about this journey and why I'm here, and that even as I travel the path I will never actually arrive - I'm not really trying to go anywhere I'm just living. Knowing this helps me to figure out why I'm NOT here too. I'm not here to impress anyone, or be an expert, or make money. This isn't a sex blog, a BDSM handbook, a motherhood handbook, or anything else. Even if I write about these things, I'm writing from my own limited perspective, and about my own experiences and world; and I'm writing for my own benefit, enjoyment, edification, self-knowledge, and record-keeping purposes. Often this blog is a way for me to mark milestones, bookmark/note things that have touched me, or just have fun.

I've never once looked at statistics related to my blog, I don't have one of those counter thingys, and I doubt very many people even read here. This isn't the interesting stuff found in other places. And that's more than fine with me, since I feel no pressure about this place - it's just my place to share me.

And yet, I do know there are a few people who read here. Some are like-minded folks who share my propensity to find relevance. Some are friends who may not care to figure it all out but still like to keep up with me. Some are lurkers, I think (how would I know for sure? lol) And while there are some that are scattered across the globe whom I've never met in person, there may be others who live nearby and are even friends of or friendly with PirateDaddy and me.

Sometimes I may not say exactly what's in my mind, the way I want to say it, because I'm aware of the audience, however limited it is. There are quite a few who I would actually say anything and everything in front of, because there is a level of trust and awareness that you "get me" that allows me to feel comfortable. But there are times, when local references would be lost on those far away, and times when I feel that too much personal detail could pose a problem in O/our real-time social life. I mean really, all evidence to the contrary in the blog world, there is such a thing as TMI!

So it's one thing altogether to say that this is my blog, it's all about me, I write what I want, I'm not trying to impress anyone (sound childish enough for you yet?) But the reality is, I am aware of constraints, even if they are self-imposed.

So what have I learned and what does this change? Nothing really. I'm still in service to PirateDaddy, and the mother of an 18 year old son. I still work full time outside the home, and do my best inside the home with whats left of my resources. I still try to learn and grow and figure out what serving Him means on a daily basis (it's not always very clear to me, and daily life being what it is, He isn't always 'splaining.) More and more I realize that W/we are just 2 people making their way in the world. W/we find ourselves at home and comfortable in a power-exchange type of relationship, and are very much the sadist and masochist as well. (These things really do not always exist together. Submission does not equal masochism you know.) And often that is all secondary to living in this world, working, interacting with family, caring for parents and children and pets, and the myriad details of all lives, not just BDSM lives.

So it's really a boring place, but it's my place. Am I able to share all my thoughts here? For the most part yes, except for the self-censored bits that I'm more comfortable sharing in private.

It's my little journey, down a path with no specific destination, and I won't ever actually arrive. There may be twists and turns in the path, and I just follow where they lead. It's very fluid and flexible. And that line just got me - because I realize that it's what I strive to be. Fluid and flexible. This blog helps me do that. And I'm grateful.