Friday, May 21, 2010
I’ve never given much thought to the fact that I do view everything in life with the thought that I can improve the situation. I constantly search for and strive to find a better way of doing something, (better being that which improves the outcomes, the processes, or the quality of life for those involved.)
I guess that makes me a winner
Monday, May 17, 2010
I know Elle shares the Daily Om message from time to time, and I know everyone can get the email inspiration for themselves each day, but I’m still going to be redundant and share this, because it really spoke to me today! (And after all, this is my blog, tee-hee!)
May 17, 2010
Letting Life Unfold
Present in the Progression
Try to allow your life to unfold like a flower rather than worrying and making predictions which cause stress.
Our lives are guided by natural rhythms that are particular to each of us and cannot be altered by force of will alone. Life itself is a journey made up of processes and events that manifest before us only to be swept away when time marches on. Whether we envision ourselves creating a career, building a family, or developing the self, we instinctively know when the time has come for us to realize our dreams because all that is involved comes together harmoniously. When the time is right, the passage of destiny cannot be blocked. Yet as desperate as we are to touch these beautiful futures we have imagined, we cannot grow if we are not fully present in the evolutionary experience. The present can be challenging, uncomfortable, and tedious, but life unfolds as it will, and the universe will wait patiently as we make our way into the unknown.
The fate that awaits us is not dependent on our pace, which was preordained before we ever appeared in human guise. Therefore there is no reason to rush through life to reach those pinnacles of development associated with the paths we have chosen. Enjoying and fully experiencing the journey of life is as important as achieving goals and reaching milestones. There are lessons we can learn during those moments that seem immaterial or insignificant that we cannot learn at any other time. Appreciating these takes patience, however, because human beings tend to focus on the fulfillment of expectations rather than the simple joys of being.
Like many people, you have no doubt longed for a device that would give you the power to fast forward through certain periods of your existence. Yet haste is by its very nature vastly more stressful than serene fortitude. When you feel yourself growing impatient because the pace of your development is deceptively slow, remember that everything that will occur in your life will occur in its own time. Quelling your urge to rush will enable you to witness yourself learning, changing, and becoming stronger. There is so much to see and do in between the events and processes that we deem definitive. If you are patient enough to take pleasure in your existence's unfolding, the journey from one pinnacle to the next will seem to take no time at all.
Given the turmoil and turbulence in my life lately, this really shouted at me! No silly little whisper of truth for me, this was a brick wall. I think allowing things to unfold in due time is so powerful, and so completely at the heart of all my unrest. When I look back over the past few entries here, I realize that it is my own lack of being able to control the many situations that is provoking my stressful reaction. Letting go and allowing things to unfold naturally will bring me that illusive inner peace and tranquility I’ve been missing. (By the way, if you’ve seen Chocolat – the movie I mentioned in a previous entry, you’ll hear the word tranquility pronounced in your head the way I do – “tran-key-eh-tay” – or something close to that!)
I’m going to be working on letting life unfold like a flower.
Let’s see what blooms!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
The song is "Kiss From A Rose" sung by Seal, a beautiful song, which has taken on new meaning for me today. Master is indeed my power, my pleasure, my pain.
"When it snows, don't you know, my eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen."
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Oh, and some of the mental turmoil has abated. Don't get me wrong, there's no difference in most (if not all) of the situations that were churning in my head, but I'm doing a little better with reacting to and processing those situations. I knew from the get-go that it wasn't the situations that were stressing me, but my reaction to them. So, I don't know how or where, but in the last 24 hours I've regained a small bit of my usual inner calm. I'm not completely back to normal, but I can tell I'm coping better, and feeling a little more like myself. shew! :)
Ugh - my shift key is sticking. If I miss a capital letter just pretend - it's a pain, lol. Do you KNOW how hard it is to type in passwords?? You know, the ones which show up as little bullets or asterisks. And they include a variety of lower case, upper case, numbers, and symbols? And you can't see that the shift key didn't work, lol!
Read a great quote today from Rob Reiner. I feel like sharing it, so here it is:
"Everybody talks about wanting to change things and help and fix, but ultimately all you can do is fix yourself. And that's a lot. Because if you can fix yourself it has a ripple effect."
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Son was in his first car accident. Not his fault, and not very serious, and still shook him up.
Car repair issues related to the accident, as well as overall car repair needs for an aging car with 140k+ miles on it that he drives to work, on trips to his girlfriend in another state, and anywhere else he needs to go. Mostly just routine and normal stuff, it's been an excellent car, purchased new in 2001, so no way to complain, but troubling since money is an issue at the moment. Little by little things are getting repaired, hopefully in order of priority safety-wise.
After the car accident, the next weekend he was out of state and drove through a pot hole by mistake. Problem is the rim of one of the wheels was broken (not bent, broken - and he wasn't driving fast, the pot holes were just horrendous!) So, stranded out of state, I went to get him and brought him home, while ordering new wheel. Took him back and forth to work everyday, and when new parts were installed, his girlfriend drove partway here, where we met her and came the rest of the way home. She came with and spent a week with us.
Money we didn't need to have to spend on wheel and repair, and additional travel.
Onslaught of car repair issues with our other 2 cars. Sadly, Master and I both work far from home, with different schedules, so carpooling is difficult at best. So in addition to the expense of the repairs (which W/we didn't need) add in the rental car.
Of course, the already mentioned issues at work. And the Mom things. And son preparing for college in the Fall (he did score amazingly high on his ACT entrance exam - proud mommy moment, lol.)
Yanno. Just stuff. Not handling things as well as I'd like, and thinking some of my ill-health issues are more related to the stress than anything else. And of course, when I say related to the stress I really just mean to the way I'm coping with the stress, which is not as well as I usually do, nor as well as I'd like to.
Last month Master gave me a kindle for my birthday. Loving that. Didn't think I would. I love to read, but I love books. They are living things to me, the smell of the pages, and the feel of them in my hand. Something very substantial about paper and the printing. Turning pages. And my collection of lovely bookmarks. But surprise surprise I love the kindle. Just finished downloading another book - thanks to Gillette for the prompting. The Prophet (Gibran) now resides in my kindle, and I can carry it with me everywhere. Yes, I already own the book, but this way it's easier to have at my fingertips! And without adding anything else to what I'm carrying around I have other books to read in there too. Yes, I really have other interests besides planning a wedding, lol.
Although that is of course always on my mind. Have NO idea what to wear! Well strictly speaking that isn't true, definitely will not wear a wedding gown/dress or anything traditional. W/we really do want something very low-key and unweddingish.
Had wonderful Mother's Day dinner, at same restaurant booked for the wedding actually. Then all 3 of us got food poisoning over the next 2 days. oh noooooo. Cannot even contemplate that happening at the wedding! Have eaten there a lot though, and never happened before. Let's keep a happy thought there.
Son attended Senior Prom with his girlfriend (her school, he's been out of school for a couple years.) So W/we drove out and stayed in a hotel to be there to help him get tux on and took pictures. Had to arrange for the tux, pick it up and take it there, along with her corsage. That was a busy weekend. The kids looked amazing, and they had a great time. I'm glad I went, even though it was hectic. Especially since her parents couldn't be there for the event nor the week leading up to it. They were away on business and couldn't get back. Made it very important for Master and I to go.
Work - cannot even begin to describe the craziness there, but it wanders through my mind all hours of the day. Just as the home stuff wanders around in my head even while I'm at work.
The daggone dog is not merely shedding, her fur is just falling out in huge clumps. There is fur all over this house. Literally. I'm thinking I should gather it up and send it one of those groups that makes booms for the Gulf oil spill. In the meantime, who has time to clean it up constantly? And so it just gets worse. ugh.
Son brought me lovely flowers and a card for mother's day. I didn't really expect anything from him, so that was a delightful surprise. I can see them as I type, and they are lovely.
I wonder if Chloe is ok - I haven't seen any update on her blog, and I'd love to know the answers to the movie thingy. Well, and to know that she's ok too, lol.
The diet has stalled. Time to get re-motivated. ugh.
And keep on looking for a job. That has me stymied. Tough economy to change jobs, but need year-round work, closer to home would be good too. Nothing within my industry, so need to start a new career - that's likely the scariest bit here, along with needing to keep earning at least what I earn now. Hard to do. Not giving up, and trying not to get discouraged.
There's so many other thoughts, all dis-jointed, all stuff running through my head. I will be fine. Not used to all this stress and drama though. Need peace and tranquility. Think this is a good time to watch the movie "Chocolat" again. Any little thing to guide me toward that peace.
Elle was a delightful dear and sent waves of Zen out today - a little something inside me relaxed when I read her entry.
I keep breathing. And I keep letting go. Again and again. And relaxing and breathing. Still haven't found the lasting peace I'm accustomed to having. Trusting and hoping there are lessons to be learned and wisdom to gain from this turbulence. I like the other me better though.
At 46, I wonder if any of my reaction to stress can be attributed to hormonal things? And how would I find out? And if so what to do about it?
See? My mind just won't stop.
Perhaps a xanax would help.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
I'm looking for inspiration and advice and ideas and suggestions and basically, your help. Yes, YOU!
So ok, you already know W/we're getting married. And I may have mentioned O/our plans for a very tiny, small, little, minor, casual event. So W/we decided on the barest of minimum guest lists, (which includes son and his girlfriend, O/our 1 remaining parent, siblings and their families, and O/our 4 closest friends. A lovely restaurant that's a favorite spot, and an officiant that is a childhood friend of mine.
Here's where you come in. Having a bit of trouble over the vows. Do not want traditional religious ceremony vows. Not the appropriate setting to go full-on BDSM style vows, so where to find examples of ceremonies and vows which would fit and still represent U/us?
I'm just drawing a mental blank about the ceremony wording itself, and O/our vows. Writing O/our own would be fine, but I need to see some samples and examples to get me started. Who better to ask than all of you? Some of the most creative people I've ever known, talented writers, great thinkers, wise individuals one and all!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
So lately I've been not quite myself. I've been that bitchy-teary-eyed-stressed out-moody-monster from hell that is exhausting to cope with. For those around me, and for me too. I intensely dislike this person.
I've been trying to figure out what's causing it all, so I can overcome and get back to being me. It seems there are far more stresses and frustrations at work than I normally have to deal with. And there are some issues relating to Son and his future plans (which are rapidly approaching, and are the beginning of the end of him living with me.) And there are things to do with Mom, and her unhappiness, and my lack of control and input and ability to affect any change. In a very real way I have lost my mom.
And I hope that finally identifying what is causing my upset will help me find acceptance and peace and tranquility.
One huge help today came in the form of an email from Master. I had written to Him that,
"I am absolutely feeling very fragile and on the verge of tears, the stress must be really getting to me."
And He replied,
Do you need me to come over and kick some ass?
I’m all out of bubblegum!
How awesome to have someone so in my corner and on my side. I was completely clueless about the bubblegum, but thought He was terrific to volunteer to get my staff into shape.
But I did ask about the bubblegum. It seems that it's a line from the movie, "They Live" which had the following line,
"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubblegum."
All I'll say is that every little girl deserves to be protected and fought for that way, and I'm very grateful.
Here's hoping I regain my equilibrium and inner peace real soon!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Rae! Thank you for inviting me to your birthday party! Your house is a thousand miles from mine, and I travel only for the best of reasons...a party for Rae is the best and I am eager to be with you.
I began my journey in the heart of the hummingbird you and I met long ago. He was friendly as ever, yet when I told him that little Rae was growing up and that I was going to her birthday party with a present, he was puzzled. We flew for a long while in silence and at last he said, "I understand very little of what you say, but least of all do I understand that you are going to a party."
"Of course I am going to the party," I said. "What is so hard to understand about that?" He was quiet, and when we arrived at the owl's home, he said, "Can miles truly separate us from friends? If you want to be with Rae, aren't you already there?"
"Little Rae is growing up and I am going to her birthday party with a present," I said to the owl. It felt strange to say going like that, after talking to Hummingbird, but I said it that way so Owl would understand. He, too, flew in silence for a long time. It was a friendly silence, but as he delivered me safely to the home of the eagle, he said, "I understand very little of what you say, but least of all do I understand that you call your friend little."
"Of course she is little," I said, "because she is not grown up. What is so hard to understand about that?" Owl looked at me with his deep amber eyes, smiled, and said, "Think about that."
"Little Rae is growing up and I am going to her birthday party with a present," I said to Eagle. It felt strange to say going and little after talking with Hummingbird and Owl, but I said it that way so Eagle would understand. We flew together out over the mountains, and soared the mountain winds. At last she said, "I understand very little of what you say, but least of all do I understand this word birthday."
"Of course birthday," I said. "We are going to celebrate the hour that Rae began, and before which she was not. What is so hard to understand about that?" Eagle curved her wings into steep dive-flaps and stepped to a smooth landing on the desert sand. "A time before Rae's life began? Don't you think rather that it is Rae's life that began before time ever was?"
"Little Rae is growing up and I am going to her birthday party with a present," I said to Hawk. It felt strange to say going and little and birthday after talking with Hummingbird and Owl and Eagle, but I said it that way so the hawk would understand. The desert poured by far below us and at last she said, "You know, I understand very little of what you say, but least of all do I understand growing up."
"Of course growing up, I said. "Rae is closer to being an adult, one more year away from being a child. What is so hard to understand about that?" Hawk landed at last upon a lonely beach. "One more year away from being a child? That does not sound like growing!" And she lifted into the air and was gone.
Seagull, I knew, was very wise. As I flew with him, I thought very carefully and chose words so that when I spoke, he would know I had been learning. "Seagull," I said at last, "why do you fly me to see Rae when you know in truth I am already with her?"
Seagull turned down over the sea, over the hills, over the streets, and landed gently upon your rooftop. "Because the important thing," he said, "is for you to know that truth. Until you know it until you truly understand it, you can show it only in smaller ways, and with outside help, from machines and people and birds. But remember," he said, "that not being known doesn't stop the truth from being true." And he was gone.
Now it's time to open your present. Gifts of tin and glass wear out in a day and are gone. But I have a better gift for you.
It is a ring for you to wear. It sparkles with a special light and cannot be taken away by anyone; it cannot be destroyed. You are the only one in all the world who can see the ring that I give you today, as I was the only one who could see it when it was mine.
Your ring gives you a new power. Wearing it, you can lift yourself into the wings of all the birds that fly - you can see through their golden eyes, you can touch the wind that sweeps through their velvet feathers, you can know the joy of going way up high above the world and all its cares. You can stay as long as you want in the sky, past the night, through sunrise, and when you feel like coming down again, your questions will have answers and your worries will have gone.
As anything that cannot be touched with the hand or seen with the eye, your gift grows more powerful as you use it. At first you might use it only when you are outdoors, watching the bird with whom you fly. But later on, if you use it well, it will work with birds that you cannot see, and last of all you will find that you'll need neither ring nor bird to fly alone above the quiet of the clouds. And when that day comes to you, you must give your gift to someone who you know will use it well, and who can learn that the only things that matter are those made of truth and joy, and not of tin and glass.
Rae, this is the last day-a-year, special-time celebration that I shall be with you, learning what I have learned from our friends the birds. I cannot go to be with you because I am already there. You are not little because you are already grown, playing among your lifetimes as do we all, for the fun of living.
You have no birthday because you have always lived; you were never born, and never will you die. You are not the child of the people you call mother and father, but their fellow-adventurer on a bright journey to understand the things that are.
Every gift from a friend is a wish for your happiness, and so it is with this ring.
Fly free and happy beyond birthdays and across forever, and we'll meet now and then when we wish, in the midst of the one celebration that never can end.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
Limitations fall away
Today you will do as much as you think you can do. What if
you thought you could do more?
Right now you are doing what you are inspired by this moment
to do. What if you were inspired to do more?
Your thoughts and feelings on their own cannot even lift a
feather. Yet they can push you powerfully forward or stop
you in your tracks.
Every good and valuable thing you've ever done started as a
thought. Imagine what your thoughts can start right now.
Feel the power of your purpose, upon which sits every
desire. Think of the possibilities for expressing that
purpose today, in your world, in new, unique and beautiful
Think your most inspired thoughts, and feel your most
treasured feelings. Then watch as the limitations quickly
This is the Daily Motivator email edition.
Copyright (C) 2010 Ralph S. Marston, Jr. All rights reserved.
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