Saturday, June 17, 2006

Time For Me

So I'm off work for the summer, well ok, I need to find a job, but the school year is over and I have some time off.

And boy do I need the break. My health hasn't been what it should be, and I've been running in all directions at once, with all cylinders firing at full throttle, and it's time for a tune-up! A little bit of downtime, me time, do nothing time, is called for I believe, so that I can get back to "normal" (whatever that is! )

So I'm not going to think about all the stuff that needs to be done around the house, errands that are begging to be run, the teenager who needs more structure and how in the world to give it to him, or any of the other things weighing on my mind. At least for awhile, I want to try to let go of the pressures and just relax and enjoy myself, de-stress.

One thing that will help with that is using the gift-certificate my Mom gave me back in April for my birthday. It's for $250.00 worth of services from the Spa on the Avenue at White Marsh.

Something else that might help is spending time with friends that I haven't seen for awhile. Hopefully I'll do that this week.

Off to pamper myself, hmmm, let's see, will I roll over and go back to sleep, or take a nice long bubble bath? Or some other indulgence? What would make me happiest?


Thursday, June 8, 2006

"Good Mommy Moments"

Happy Thursday! One more day till the weekend, wahoooooooo! Been a mixed up week, some good parts and some not so good parts. The positive thing though is that even when there's icky stuff, my attitude has remained intact and positive. Yes life can be icky, but that doesn't mean I have to give in to negativity. That certainly won't help, or make anything better!

So Monday we were without Master. Tuesday we were together, but the pinched nerve in my back was so bad that I couldn't do much more than lie around. Wednesday I stayed home from work due to the pain, and even though Master thought it best to stay in and take it easy, I was uncomfortable enough that resting wasn't helping. So we went to the BESS meeting and munch and actually enjoyed ourselves very much. Arthur is an amazing presenter, and the topic was interesting too. Master noted the cognitive dissonance involved in hearing the people speaking through the wall about religious things while watching a BDSM presentation.

So today I went to work again, and made it through the day. I'm hoping to see my dear Jewel tonight, I've been so concerned about her. Luckily Kismet was able to spend some time this afternoon with her. When a friend and sister is in trouble we do pull together to help. I would have been lost without her in December, this is merely my chance to return the favor!

The kid has been cheerfully going about his chores, at least after I expressed my anger at his attitude Tuesday afternoon. Since then he's been much better. Master and I, my son's father and his girlfriend, all want very much to be able to trust this kid again. It's going to take a lot of time. And the debt of punishment/consequences that needs to be paid back will take quite awhile to work off. Hopefully he'll learn his lesson and think before he acts in the future.

I will say that during the aftermath of his truancy I learned some things about myself as well. I've tiptoed around him, sugar-coating everything, never wanting him to be unhappy. And when I explained his punishment (that Master prescribed) he became very upset and sad. I immediately wanted to alleviate that. But since I was given the instructions by Master, I couldn't. I must obey Master, first and foremost. And knowing that He also has my son's best interests at heart helps. Master reminded me that the punishment is not supposed to be easy or feel good. It's supposed to be difficult and painful in order to make an impact and teach a lesson. That's how the kid will learn not to do that again. He was right, I know. And when I spoke with my ex, he added some things to it. Seeing the kid every other weekend, there isn't much he can do, but he did take away PS2 and computer priveleges while visiting, and suggested that the allowance penalty we were originally imposing be tripled. I agreed to do so.

Meanwhile, my son has 2 friends over this afternoon, hanging out and playing games. This is such a new development for him, and it seems like a positive step. They're laughing and carrying on in the living room, playing Mario Party. I must confess, I'm having a very happy "Mommy" moment! Pray that this will continue.

So much needing my time and energy and attention, and through it all I'm striving to maintain balance. With Master's help I think I can. Besides the kid, I think my health and Master's health are the most important considerations. I think if I can keep the priorities straight, everything else will fall into place.


Monday, June 5, 2006

A Home For All Seasons

Well it's going to be a long night! i'm on my own with the pets and teenager; Master is unable to be with us tonight. All the pets are looking for Him, and i never sleep as well alone as i do with Him. Add to that concern for Him and the situation He is involved in right now, and it adds up to a long night. He'll be fine, we'll be fine, everything is ok. Let's think of other things.

I've been wanting, more and more lately, to finish some of the work on my house that was begun or planned when I bought it just over 2 years ago. I'm feeling a desire and need to be more settled, which I take as a good sign. For so long I just floated along, doing the things that had to be done, not really feeling or enjoying anything, not really living. But last summer things began to shift for me, I was ready to live again. And you know something? For me that was a pretty slow process. There's still areas of life I'm waking up to, the bits and pieces that make up a life that I'm reclaiming as mine. But I think it's safe to say some major healing has taken place, and I'm finding myself more and more able to move on everyday.

So, I'm wanting to settle more into my home, make it more mine and less the previous owner's. And part of my desire to do that also stems from my desire to have friends over. Nothing special, no big deal, just be able to invite our friends to join us for dinner and yakking, you know the drill. Maybe I'll have a bunch of girlfriends over for girl's night out, or movie night, or a spa party! Anyway, the fact that I want to entertain again and be with friends says alot about my healing. And the fact that W/we've found such a wonderful community of people among whom W/we've made so many treasured friends is also part of the reason it's time to settle in and make this house into a home!

So that's the turn of my thoughts lately. I'm the one thinking of paint samples, decorating, home improvement, and menus that guests/friends will enjoy! Time to get it started! (Hah!)


Thursday, June 1, 2006

The Kind You Don't Take Home to Mother

Wow! Do I have the BEST Master or what????? You see, I've got this fetish. My own personal kink. Everyone has a fetish or kink of some type. Mine happens to be for office supplies in general, and Post-It's in particular. I love Post-Its! OK, that's not a strong enough way to describe how I feel when I see them in a store, use them, or think about them. This is one of the most perfect items ever created and added to offices, both home and work.

Anyway, now you know my dirty little secret!

So how, you ask, does this have anything to do with Master? Earlier today He discovered this website: and shared it with me. On this site, for a new Post-It product, I was able to click on a link and sign up for a free sample!!! That was easily the highest point of my day, so far anyway.

OK wait - discovering the Liz Phair song H.W.C. was probably the high point of the day. But the free Post-Its sure made my heart pound!!! (Check out the lyrics for Liz Phair's song, I was quite surprised that the nice girl who sings "Why Can't I?" also sings H.W.C., and on the same CD!!)

So yes, my Master is simply the best, most generous and thoughtful and loving man ever! I'm a very lucky girl! (She's a very kinky girl...the kind you don't take home mother...)