Monday, August 31, 2009


I read my weekly Ripples this morning, and wanted to share it here. They are almost always illuminating and helpful, so while I shared the link in my favorite sites list (right margin of this blog,) I rarely repost the actual words. Today, I'm sharing the whole shebang, because I need to hear it again and be reminded again, and here is where I share the things that speak to me. Sometimes something I share may speak to someone who reads here as well.

This one is right along the theme of things that have been speaking to me and which I've been sharing for awhile. When I look back at the words to the song "The Climb", which I shared awhile back, I can tell I'm still sorting through and dealing with these similar issues. Perhaps one of the things I need to grasp hold of is there will always be a mountain to climb, or move, rocks and boulders in the way, and that these are the very things which form character and help us to grow. I may joke and tease that I'd rather not grow so much, but in the end, it's all good. I know I will get through whatever event I'm dealing with, and will do more than survive, I will thrive.

I hope you enjoy this week's Ripple:

The bubbling brook would lose its song
if you removed the rocks.
-source unknown

Adversity is like a strong wind.
It tears away from us all but
the things that cannot be torn,
so that we see ourselves
as we really are.
-Arthur Golden

Life is not always easy, eh?

I have heard from several fellow Ripplers lately who are experiencing BIG challenges in their lives: loss of loved ones, major disruptions in work/school/life, and dealing with other "stuff" that makes life rocky. It is heartbreaking to hear how difficult life can be for each of us at times.

As I look over my responses to them, I notice a common phrase that I have used in various forms. While I try to avoid using absolutes like "always" and "never," I stand by these: Life is not always easy, convenient, pretty, or fair; life, however is ALWAYS is worth it. The hard stuff makes us stronger the same way the heavier weights are what make the difference in strength training (many of you have heard me say that I'd do more weight lifting if they weren't so darn heavy--but of course if they were light they wouldn't help me strengthen my muscles!).

Believe me, I have days where I wish all the "rocks" in the bubbling brook of my life could be magically removed. Luckily I have the good sense to remember that so much of my character, my personal strength, and my capacity to help others has grown from dealing with the difficult stuff.

I'm truly sorry if life is extra tough for you right now; I hope you seek good people to support you, calming music to soothe you, and an occasional Dairy Queen treat every now and then is pretty darn awesome too.



Saturday, August 29, 2009

Moving Day

So today is the big day, my Mom is moving away to a city 5 hours drive away to live with my sister.

I do not know how this is going to be for me, or for my mom. I'm prepared for all manner of emotions and feelings to surface, now and in the days, weeks, and months to come for me. And I'm quite worried about how Mom will cope and adjust. I'm not certain this is in her best interest and I'm apprehensive at best. I hope she thrives and that all my worries were for naught.

I'll take any positive energy for Mom and myself with gratefulness. There are places in my heart that feel she is dying and that I will never see her again. And it hits me at random times. I guess I'm going to have to experience a grieving process even though she is actually still alive.

All very new and weird territory for me. Of Mom's 4 children I'm the one (the only one) who remained geographically close, the others all moved far away.

Add this to the start-up of the school year and my adjustment from stay-at-home slave to working professional full time, and I'm needing to be very careful and gentle with myself these days. And not really a lot left over for anyone else - not good.


Friday, August 21, 2009

Ends & Beginnings

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. And I've been trying to keep up with everyone here, even if somewhat quietly. This summer has proven to be busy with housekeeping around here (trying to catch up on what gets left undone during the school year.) And I've been blessed to be able to spend time with quite a few of my girlfriends for lunch or coffee (in fact, I believe I went to lunch, coffee, or a movie with no less than 5 girlfriends, some more than once!) Those were all times to savor richly as the busy-ness of life often precludes spending quiet 1 on 1 time together being just us girls and sharing together. I find I need that, so I'm grateful and blessed that it was able to happen so much this summer.

I was also blessed to have my son's girlfriend come stay here twice, a week each time. I love having the kids in the house, and she's a delight. I was able to take her for her very first ever pedicure while my son was at work and Master was at an Oriole's game with a friend of His. The other side of that coin is that my son spent a LOT of time at her house (far away) so I was actually alone alot more this year than I have been in the past. But while that's a change, and can be a difficult adjustment, I actually love to be alone, it's regenerating for my spirit, and so I embraced the new thing and let it help me to heal and grow. Truthfully, I'm never really alone anyway, while Master is at work we are still in contact through phone and email and IM.

I've also spent time this summer helping Mom get packed up and ready to move. My sister has decided that even though Mom's apartment is not built yet, Mom is to move to my sister's house now (a week from tomorrow) and stay in my nephew's room until the apartment is ready. I am more than a little apprehensive about this. So this really marks a HUGE change in my life, and I'm trying to embrace it. I've never lived with my Mom far away before, so we'll see how I do. I think I mostly fear the loss, which is inevitable anyway. I'm also simultaneously relieved to no longer have to be the one "doing" for Mom and caring for her. Her physical abilities are deteriorating almost daily, and the burden will continue to grow, so I am relieved that my sister has decided she will take charge, even if I disagree with many of her choices and decisions. And it really is a difference of opinion about what is best for Mom, since I know we both want what's best for her. I hope that once she's seeing for herself she will understand my position, but honestly? I don't care about being right, I just believe Mom could be happier.

And is that not also part of my need to "fix"? That seems to have been a recurring theme in recent months for me. So I think this move, while rife with stress and possible problems, will in all likelihood be good for me. I can let go, and no longer try to take care of Mom.

I find I need more down time than other people, and I seem to need more than I used to need. I feel like I can be of more and better service to Master when I'm not also working outside the house, but that isn't a possibility for anything more than these summers between terms at school. Perhaps He and I both need to adjust our expectations of how household chores are done, and just what my service to Him will look like. idk, musing out loud.

Anyway, that's life in my little corner of the world. Making discoveries about myself, and trying to keep putting what my head knows into action, all while being busy with life. Sounds like what we all do really.