Monday, April 25, 2011

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


I know I'm not very hip when it takes me years to catch on to something everyone else seems to know about.  Man, I got to get out more, or read more current events stuff.  idk - something.

Nah, I'm not worried, I'm as hip as I need to be, and having never been into the marijuana scene, I can see why I'd be clueless about 420.  It just isn't relevant in my world.

Then again, what if, let's just say, hypothetically, the government would consider legalizing the use of the stuff.  Wouldn't that impact my world?  Not because I'd start using, I seriously doubt I would, but because I think there are positive benefits to be reaped from such a course of action.

Let's start with money.  Usually I end with that, because I do believe that everything boils down to money in the end.  But we'll start with it here, because really, it runs throughout every part of this.

If it's legal - then legitimate businesses can sell it - making money - and reaping sales tax income.  That's good.  Since it's no longer illegal to grow, buy, sell, use, then we won't have to pay the armies of people who are engaged in catching and convicting the people who are engaged in growing, buying, selling, and using.  That's good too.  And then of course, courthouses, judges, lawyers, etc, will not have their time taken up with these cases, (don't forget all the clerks and aids etc) and that will save money.  That's also good.

So, I don't pretend to have all the answers, and I'm sure there are negatives here too.  But do they outweigh the positives?  Let's take one example - that people will use the stuff without obtaining the official permissions (through a Dr).  In other words, they will use illegally.  OK - ya got me - but isn't that what they're doing now anyway?  Why yes it is.  People who want to use are going to use.  Little things like laws won't stop them.  Why not let the public coffers benefit from legalized sales for legitimate purposes?

Young people will have access to the stuff.  Again, probably not any greater access than they already enjoy anyway.  It's the same reason people tried to outlaw alcohol.  Doesn't matter, if the child wants to try it, there are ways to do so.  Only naive people think you can stop someone from doing something they want to do by making a law that says it's illegal.

Just look at illegally obtained and used handguns.  There are plenty of laws regulating how they can be sold (and to whom) and regulating the carrying of the guns in public (concealed and open carry) but that doesn't stop the criminals who want a gun from getting one and using it how they choose to use it.  These folks are all aware of the laws that say they can't have the gun, or use it in the commission of a crime.  The laws don't stop them.

So back to the 420 thing - there is no one who labors under the illusion that it's legal to be involved with the stuff (except in those forward-thinking places which have already legalized the process) yet people everywhere do still grow, buy, sell, and use.  Let it go.  Make it legal, collect the revenue, and turn your attention to more important matters.

This, my opinion, brought to you by me, someone who has never used, never bought, never sold, and never grown.  And never anything else associated with the industry.  I just know that keeping it illegal will not prevent the things it is supposed to prevent, and legalizing it will not turn everyone we know into a pothead.

But at least I know what 420 means now. :)


Monday, April 18, 2011


  1. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
  2. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
  3. I went to a bookstore and asked the clerk where the self-help section was located.  The clerk said if they told me it would defeat the purpose.
  4. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  5. If a deaf child signs swear words does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  6. Is there another word for synonym?
  7. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
  8. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
  9. If a parsley farmer is sued can they garnish his wages?
  10. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
  11. Why do they lock gasoline station bathrooms?  Are they afraid someone will clean them?
  12. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  13. Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have a “S” in it?
  14. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
  15. Can an Atheist get insurance against “Acts of God”?


Sunday, April 17, 2011

Spring Break

What a relief!  It's Spring Break and I'm off until the 26th. It's a mental relief for sure.

I attended the funeral yesterday for the lady I previously mentioned.  What a lovely service celebrating her life.  I spent a great deal of time before and after the service greeting friends and family whom I've not seen for years.  It was good to be in a place where I am loved.  That is the only thing I miss about church.  The dogma and doctrine and perversion of what and who God is, the human-made rules and edicts that distort the true meaning of a creative spiritual truth drove me away, and keeps me away.  The sense of family and community are what I miss.

Truly, spring break, springtime in general, and memorial services celebrating life, all remind me to dwell on the renewal, and rebirth, and life.  These things bring me back to the roots of my relationship to Master, to the dragonflies W/we love, the symbol of new life.  All that is old is new again.

At the moment, I don't feel physically or mentally or emotionally renewed.  I'm hopefully believing that a week away from work will help me recharge the energy stores and refill the empty sand bucket of me.


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Happy Birthday!

I am officially 1 year older today.

I don't know why, but I'm feeling strangely threatened by this particular year marker.  47.  It FEELS older than 46 did to me.  I don't like it.  The last time I felt threatened by my age was when I turned 29.  I felt old then too.

Ages at which I felt joy?  40.  41.  21 and 18 and 16 of course as society makes such milestones of them.  10 was a big year in my family.  Living a decade was an event.  I don't recall any upset with 30, or any other age in the 30's.  My forties haven't bothered me.  Until now.  Odd that, at least to me it seems odd.  And I'm quite confidant this feeling will not be with me next year.  There's just something about this age, this year, something not based in rationality, it's just a feeling (feelings are by definition irrational.)

And really, wouldn't being older be a good thing in light of a birthday spanking?  I mean, an extra spank is an extra spank.  Right?

oooooo - I almost forgot - have been enjoying a song by Rhianna these days. It's called "S&M".  Gee, who would have guessed I'd like that? :)

Feels so good being bad
There's no way I'm turning back
Now the pain is my pleasure cause nothing could measure

Love is great, love is fine
Out the box, outta line
The affliction of the feeling leaves me wanting more

Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me

Oh, I love the feeling you bring to me, oh you  turn me on
It's exactly what I've been yearning for, give it to me strong
And meet me in my boudoir, make my body say ah-ah-ah
I like it, I like it

Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me


Tuesday, April 12, 2011


Today’s DailyOM talks about happiness not being the same as being free from worry or problems.

It’s so true.  Choosing to be happy doesn’t mean the problems aren’t there, it doesn’t de-value the problems, or mean that they aren’t significant.

Nor does choosing to be upset about the problems, and worrying about them, make the problems MORE significant.  Spending time in “Oh woe is me land” does not mean my problems are worse or more problematic.

What dwelling in the problem does, is rob me of the energy to cope with something I cannot change.  And it robs of me of the ability to change that which I can.

And it just doesn’t matter what the issue is or the nature of the problem.  When we focus on the worry, pain, upset, fear, you-name-it-insert-emotion-here, we’re no longer able to change it, or accept it or move on.

If we CAN make a change, then our energy should be in bringing that change about.
If we cannot make a change, then we are best served by accepting and then working around the situation.

And yes, you are free to (and welcome to) remind of this when I get to “oh woe is me-ing”!

Best illustration of all this is my Mom.  Many years ago, it was clear to many people that her health would betray her.  Some of that is genetics, much of that is due to choices she made in relation to her health and the way she took care of her body.  But it is what it is.

So as she progressed along the path of poor health, I tried to help her cope with each new disability she faced.  I attempted to help her make the subtle changes and use the tools available that would allow her to remain as independent and mobile as possible, for as long as possible.  Her consistent response, every time, be it something big or something small, was “No”.  She didn’t want to give in to it, and didn’t want it to be her reality.

No shit Sherlock.  Me neither.  Never wanted a crippled Mom.  And since I can’t change that reality, let’s accept where you are now and find ways to work around it and allow you the opportunity to still do all that you want and need to do.  It almost seemed that if she complained about the problem she thought it would go away.

No such luck.  She’s a hard egg to crack.  And so now, some years later, she’s slapped in the face with even worse and more debilitating disability, and no way to cope.  And another choice –to go live in a foreign place with my sister – adds to the difficulty.  And I have figured out why she did that.  My sister, not able to accept Mom’s reality any more than Mom could, was telling Mom what she wanted to hear.  And Mom, wanting to believe that fantasy rather than deal with reality, bought into it.  And now they are both miserable.  And I can’t help them.

In the midst of all this, I choose to be happy.  I will not allow this drama to impact my happiness.  Oh sure, I have compassion for them, and will continue to put my energy into doing whatever I CAN do to assist and help.  But I will not allow their need to grumble about reality and be unhappy drag me down.  I just want to yell at them to choose happiness.  Paste a blankety-blank smile on your face whether you feel like it or not.  It certainly can’t hurt the situation.  Won’t make it better, but neither will moaning about how awful it is.

I get that we can’t all be practical people who just get on with things.  Some of us aren’t wired that way.  But I refuse to accept that we do all have to choose misery instead of happiness.  And knowing that I can’t choose another person’s issues for them, and I can’t make someone be happy, all I can do is focus on keeping my own equilibrium and happiness intact.

Not always easy, my heart aches for people.  One of O/our friends once told me (when I was crying over her break-up with her master) that I always was the one in our group who felt things.  It’s true, my ability to feel the emotions of loved ones can be a disability if I’m not careful.  I have to remind myself that it’s one thing to be happy for someone or sad for someone, and another thing altogether to internalize those feelings.

But one of the ways I cope is through readings like the DailyOM which help keep me grounded, and through this blog.  The place where I can let it all spew, knowing that it’s always better out than in! ;)


Thursday, April 7, 2011

Ups and Downs

Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug.

True that.  Although we are often taught that the difference is really about our attitude and perception of the situation and not the actual circumstance.

Not sure that's entirely true.  I do agree that the way we react to and respond to circumstances can make a big difference in how the situation goes forward.  Or at least, how we feel about the way the situation progresses.  But sometimes facts are facts.  Mom fell, was admitted to hospital, left there for a nursing home, and is now, finally, almost 2 months later, returning home.  This is a positive and good development, a happy thing.  Definitely a windshield moment, after having been a bug moment when this all started.

I suspect that many of life's bug moments can turn into, eventually, windshield events, in time.  In fact, I think I'll just claim that little gem.  Good can and will result from bad.  It must, I insist, I need it to be true.

Earlier this week a young man from the church I used to attend, and am still a member of, and still have ties to, died.  This young man is the same age as my son, is an only child, like my son, and was returning home from college.  Such a tragedy.  Beyond bug.  And windshield simply must come of it.  I don't know how or when or why, but I must believe that at the end of the day, the Universe will help us to bring good out of that dreadful event.

Today, a woman who was a second mother to me all my life, lies dying, with hospice caring for her needs.  She isn't ill exactly, she is simply so very old (more than 90) and her body and organs are just worn out.  They aren't working properly, not due to illness or injury, but just because the parts are old.  And were she considerably younger, the repair people would be replacing and fixing.  But with her advanced age, they can't.  She told them last night to stop trying to make her better and let her go.  So home she went, with hospice, to live into her next life.  I like that.  She isn't dying to this life, she is living into her next one.  She's not waiting to be the bug, she has chosen to be the windshield all the way through to eternity.  What an inspiration.  She leaves such a tremendous legacy.

Sometimes, when we're having a bug moment, we are hurt and we cry.  I think it's natural for our emotions to be expressed.  It's more than natural, it's healthy and necessary to express our feelings.  Not so helpful to keep them inside.  And I also think windshield moments can result in tears too.  The tears and fears and hurt seem to mostly come from dealing with the changes, sometimes sudden, that are part and parcel of these bug and windshield moments.  Throughout all of them, we can celebrate life, and know that life really is good, even when it hurts.

Bug or windshield, doesn't really matter, it all comes out in the end.

There's another saying like that one - Sometimes you're the Louisville Slugger, sometimes you're the ball.  mmmm...that's a yummy thought...I like being the ball.  :)


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Here's One!

I read this in my email at work today - and determined that it was something I wanted to share here - and now look - I remembered it and am sharing it!  Woot! :)

The years of our life do not arrive all at once; they greet us day by day. With the descent of each setting sun, we are able to rest our heads and let the world take care of itself for a while. We may rest assured throughout the night, knowing that the dawn will bring with it a chance to meet our lives anew, donning fresh perspectives and dream-inspired hopes. The hours that follow, before we return to sleep once more, are for us to decide how we want to live and learn, laugh and grow. Our lives are sweeter and more manageable because we must experience them this way: one day at a time.

Imagine the future stretching out before you and try to notice if you feel any tension or overwhelm at the prospect of the journey still to come. Perhaps you have recently made a lifestyle change, like beginning a new diet or quitting smoking, and the idea of continuing this healthy new behavior for years seems daunting. Maybe you have started a new job or are newly married and can feel an undercurrent of anxiety about your ability to succeed. If you can shift your focus from what may happen years down the line and return it to the day that is before you right now, you may find a measure of calm and renewed confidence in your capabilities. You may also discover an inner faith that the future will take care of itself.

The way we show up for our lives today and tomorrow has an enormous affect on who we will be and what we will be experiencing years from now. If we can remain fully engaged in the day at hand, enjoying all it has to offer and putting our energy into making the most of it, we will find that we are perfectly ready and capable to handle any future when it arrives.

This was the DailyOM for today, entitled "Stepping Stones, One Day At A Time".  It struck me on many levels.  First, the obvious, that I need to live in the present moment, fully aware and in that moment.  Worrying about the future or the past doesn't serve me well.

And that led me to thinking about little and big things alike that I allow myself to get caught up in.  One simple example is the last entry I made, where I'm trying to figure out how to remember to blog more of the things in my head.  Perhaps I don't need to worry about it.  Perhaps it's OK to write when I remember to, or have time too, and it's OK to not write also.  And perhaps, if I decide I really want to blog more, it's OK that I write about things that aren't always fascinating.  Maybe it's OK if I write about mundane things.

I think that final paragraph really spoke to me - although the whole thing spoke volumes.  But the idea that worrying about the future can actually cause problems in the future is not new (we've all heard of self-fulfilling prophecies) but it was a thought I needed to be reminded of today.  And the words used - "The way we show up for today has enormous affect on what we will experience in the future" (paraphrased) - captured my attention.  Perhaps just hearing a well-known thought expressed in a different way can make me sit up and take notice.

I also really like the way the first sentence is worded, the way it rolls off my tongue, the way the words reassure and calm.  "The years of our life do not arrive all at once; they greet us day by day."  They grab me, and remind me that the future unfolds slowly.  The words also tell me that the future will "greet " me - cheerfully and pleasantly, and isn't something I have to dread or fear.

So there you go - something that may not be very fascinating for anyone besides me, but it was a reading that I needed at a time I needed it, and I REMEMBERED to share it after I got home from work.  I'm happy with myself and proud.  No pouting today.  I think I will give myself a gold star!


Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Timing Is Everything

So often I'll have great ideas about something I want to share on the blog.  Well, ok, I think they are great ideas.  You don't have to agree.

But.  I'll get these great ideas while I'm busy doing something else. Something that precludes being able to actually share the great blog idea here.  And I'll remind myself to write it all up later on when I can.  And then I never seem to remember.

I've written so many blog entries in my head.  But they never seem to find their way here, into the actual blog.


You'll just have to trust me that I get great ideas about interesting and delightfully riveting things to share.  Because I seem to be good at being in the wrong place at the wrong time and unable to get those ideas written down.

And in case any of you are thinking of possible helps/solutions/things I can do which will help me get more of my great ideas into print, let me tell you about the typical scenario.  Usually - I'm driving.  No chance to type or write a quick reminder.  Not allowed to use a handheld cell phone (for the voice memo feature.)  grrrr

Another typical scenario - I'm at work, and either something someone says or does, or some email I receive, touches me and I think I could share, but I just simply don't have the time right then - combined with my inability to log into anything blogging related courtesy of the IT policy which blocks most websites.

By the time I get home, there's usually so much to do, and not enough time or energy.  So, I think I need to make blogging a priority, setting aside the time and energy to let thoughts flow.  Just deciding to sit down and write something usually results in a mental block the size of Montana.  So just setting aside time isn't enough, unless I have the idea already fomenting, percolating, and ready to burst forth.

I could be wrong, but it seems to me that I need to figure out how to remember the great ideas, and that then the time and priority for writing will naturally evolve.  But I don't know if that's true or if it's a cop-out.  Perhaps the best way to know will be to figure out how to remember the ideas, and then I'll see if the writing flows or not.


Saturday, April 2, 2011

Male Influence

I may have been surrounded by males just a tad too much. :)

Being the only female, living with a grown boy child and Master, and frequently having a houseful of teenage boys, I have found that they have all rubbed off on me.

I realized this clearly the other day at work, when one of my employees (a woman, as they almost all are) said something about her duty.  And without even thinking or missing a beat, my mouth uttered (in my best Beavis and Butthead impersonation) "Heh-heh,she said doodie."

My employee looked confused and not sure what I was talking about, nor what she should say.  I just burst out laughing, and apologized, and steered the conversation back to the work-related duties.  But at that moment, I knew that Master and my son, in their sillier boyish moments, had indeed changed me.

Whoo-boy.  Looking forward to whatever comes next, but also feeling the need for some girly-ness. :)