Happy Birthday!

I am officially 1 year older today.

I don't know why, but I'm feeling strangely threatened by this particular year marker.  47.  It FEELS older than 46 did to me.  I don't like it.  The last time I felt threatened by my age was when I turned 29.  I felt old then too.

Ages at which I felt joy?  40.  41.  21 and 18 and 16 of course as society makes such milestones of them.  10 was a big year in my family.  Living a decade was an event.  I don't recall any upset with 30, or any other age in the 30's.  My forties haven't bothered me.  Until now.  Odd that, at least to me it seems odd.  And I'm quite confidant this feeling will not be with me next year.  There's just something about this age, this year, something not based in rationality, it's just a feeling (feelings are by definition irrational.)

And really, wouldn't being older be a good thing in light of a birthday spanking?  I mean, an extra spank is an extra spank.  Right?

oooooo - I almost forgot - have been enjoying a song by Rhianna these days. It's called "S&M".  Gee, who would have guessed I'd like that? :)

Feels so good being bad
There's no way I'm turning back
Now the pain is my pleasure cause nothing could measure

Love is great, love is fine
Out the box, outta line
The affliction of the feeling leaves me wanting more

Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me

Oh, I love the feeling you bring to me, oh you  turn me on
It's exactly what I've been yearning for, give it to me strong
And meet me in my boudoir, make my body say ah-ah-ah
I like it, I like it

Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me

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