Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Saw the surgeon today, and we get to remove the pesky gall bladder. I'm actually looking forward to this because of how awful the past few weeks have been. I'm looking forward to feeling a lot better!
Next Thursday it comes out, should be easily accomplished as an out-patient with the 4 little incisions yada yada yada.
Cross your fingers that I make it that long without another flare-up, lol.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
So His Darl'n posted a fun Meme here, and I had to play along. She assigned me the letter B. (It's like Sesame Street, this episode is brought to you by the letter B!) *giggle*
Here’s the game:
You leave a comment (asking for a letter) on this post, and I’ll assign you a letter. You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on.
Bloggers – Wonderful people who share themselves with me so I may learn and grow.
Barack Obama – I'm proud of my nation's choice.
Boys – Specifically my son, and the chance to parent a boy - I learned so many new things that I would not have learned about if I'd had a girl.
Broccoli – Perhaps one of the most perfect foods.
BDSM – For giving me a language to describe who I am in my deepest being.
Black Eyed Peas – The band not the food.
Books – I love to read.
Blender – Master makes the most amazing chocolate-banana milkshakes (complete with Godiva Chocolate Liquor) in our blender.
Battlestar Gallactica – Master is introducing me to one of His favorites.
Bed – My favorite place to be with Master.
For the record, now that I've finished, I had a hard time with this letter, but was able to think of a zillion things for the letter P. But I bet if I'd been given the letter P I would have been dry as a bone! sheesh
Monday, January 26, 2009
AG - you have mentioned my profile picture several times so I wanted to share this one with you too.
I adore my profile pic - and to be perfectly honest, it was actually Master who requested that I use it on the blog profile. Of course I've always loved the image, but I'm even more thrilled that Daddy likes it too.
The one here speaks to me as well - of the innocence of the little girls, and the joy in something so simple and silly. And even more so, it speaks to me that they are safe and at liberty to concentrate on the frivolity because there is someone there to protect and guard them, allowing them to be free and innocent.
So, AG and all my submissive friends, please come join me. Let the air blow around and up our sundresses. Let the joy of living right now, in this moment, in this day be all that we need. Let's release the problems and worries that can so easily consume our grown-up selves, and let our Sirs and Daddies, and Masters carry that load for awhile.
It's time to fill our buckets with sand and build castles and dance and play ring-around-the-rosy and duck-duck-goose and hopscotch, and jacks.
Join me ladies, won't you? Our Sirs will watch over us.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Chloe posted an entry that was quite descriptive of limits and boundaries within her relationship. I related quite well to her words since I adamantly agree that I can only serve a Master with whom I am well-matched.
Anyway, at the beginning of her post Chloe talks about being easily fascinated by things, and she mentions little travel sewing kits. I had to laugh when I read this, as I am also easily fascinated by seemingly inane things. At least other people think I'm quite odd.
For example, I have a total fixation, perhaps an addiction to all things Post-It. Words actually fail me in trying to describe how wonderful I find these little things.
I also love office supplies in general. A lot.
And the little tiny jars and bottles of foods and toiletries which are typically identified as travel sizes. They are soo cute! Have you seen those little tiny bottles of ketchup that hotels give you on room service trays? They are just like the regular bottles only miniature!
Like my endless delight and fascination with new roads, these things give me feelings of pleasure and I have no idea why. Perhaps I'm weird, I don't know. But I do know I'm grateful that I can find joy in little insignificant things, because sometimes all we have are the little things!
Perhaps I'm just an intrinsically, naturally happy person. Perhaps I'm a psycho with weird fixations. Either way, I'm easily entertained and fascinated!
Friday, January 23, 2009
OK - what started this blog was a book I'm reading by Stephen Colbert entitled, "I Am America (And So Can You!)". Stephen has a show on the Comedy Channel here in the USA which is hilarious. He depicts an uber-conservative person who spouts ultra-conservative hyperbole, when he is, in fact, quite liberal-minded, so the viewers know it's comedy. He doesn't actually believe in the things his writers give him to say, and some of the best moments on the show are watching him struggle to deliver his lines with a straight face. I love the times he just loses it on camera, often times mentioning the bet he just lost when he laughed out loud. (The content is usually way beyond anything any politician or religious conservative would ever say.) Rolling Stone did an excellent piece on him and Jon Stewart of The Daily Show here.
Only I've learned that sometimes people don't know he's making a joke, they think he's serious, and that he's right. Oh wow. It scares me that there can be folks who are that far from rational thinking that they believe he's serious, believe he means what he says, and believe he's right. I can't change those folks, and I can't control them (I've tried, one of them is my nephew!)
So when I read bits and pieces of his book which just crack me up (as they are intended to do) I sometimes hesitate to share, in case I'm talking to someone who thinks he's for real.
Nickelback is a rock band who sings a song called Rockstar on their "All The Right Reasons" album. The song is a tongue-in-cheek spoof of "typical" rockstars, and not something the band actually aspires to be like, yet my local radio station has begun editing the song when airing it. That just infuriates me because the band is not serious, and of all people, the radio station should know that. Furthermore, they have been bleeping out the references to drugs, yet leaving in everything else, including the stuff referring to booze, sex, food, money, and other generally unhealthy behaviors. What a message this sends to kids.
But again, I can't control the radio station, nor change them.
It's really hard to feel helpless in life. It's hard to deal with family members and others who don't think like I do. It's hard to deal with ignorance and injustice. The only truth which is unchanging is that we are all responsible for ourselves, and that the Law of Reciprocity is alive, true, and real. Reciprocity is both negative and positive, and it never fails. So even when dealing with those who don't get it, I've found it's best to focus on the positive, send out positive energy, and let go of the negative. I don't have to worry about convincing someone of the error of their ways, life is naturally reciprocal.
It's not always easy to let go of negative emotions, but it's crucial to my well-being. Where my thoughts are is where my heart is. That which I dwell on is what the universe will provide to me with no malice of thought. It simply is true that life is not always fair, nor is it always good and kind. And I must let go and move on, keeping my focus on the good I find around me, or else I will become mired in the negative.
I do not allow the words and actions of other people to threaten or harm me. I am not in charge of teaching them the "truth", I am only in charge of living my own best truth. I believe that the best way to effect change in the world is through my own actions which spread out in ripples which become waves that will eventually have some positive effect.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Hours later she was admitted, I was finally able to go home and get some rest. The next day I was feeling drained, and decided to rest before going back to the hospital to see to Mom.
The following day I was definitely going to go to the Dr for myself, when I got a call that Mom was being discharged and I needed to go pick her up. Of course then it was hours spent getting her settled at home, going to the pharmacy for her prescriptions, etc. And this was after I had worked all day.
I was finally so exhausted I went home to bed, and determined to go to the Dr the next day after work. That didn't work out so well, as a few hours into my work day I was so sick I had to leave. I spent the next 3 hours in the Dr's office receiving treatments before insisting that I was going home. 8 days later I was finally well enough to go to work again. I won't bore you with the dreadful details of how sick I was and what exactly was happening to me. They knew there was a bacterial infection of some type, my internal organs were not working properly, and they treated me with antibiotics. Which did help.
My last dose was this past Friday, and by yesterday I knew the symptoms were coming back. So to the Dr office I went again today, expecting another round of antibiotics since the last one didn't completely clear everything up. I'm not as sick as I was 2 weeks ago, and I want to keep it that way.
Only now, they were actually able to discover what was and is wrong, and it was not a kidney infection, nor an intestinal infection as was suspected. It is actually a bad gall bladder. Maybe just stones, but the suspicion is the whole organ is bad. They've now figured out that the reason I was in such a bad way previously is because the gall bladder became so infected that it compromised my liver.
Anyway, tomorrow I must call the surgeon and we'll see where we go from here. I suspect there will be further tests to undergo and decisions to make, although it does seem certain that the organ must come out. I'm fine with that - anything that can make me this ill must go - it's simply not welcome in my body as far as I'm concerned!
In the meantime, the pain comes and goes, and while it isn't debilitating, it's still darned painful. I'm hoping the surgeon can see me soon, and has a solution soon too.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
We all have things about us that are unique. Sometimes charmingly unique, sometimes perhaps not so charming, lol. I know I have some habits which are annoying to others, and I also have qualities which endear me to others. The road to enlightenment is a complex mix of figuring out how to live our own best lives while passing as little negative energy to others as possible.
That said, I’ve been pondering a couple of entries I want to make, and wondering how best to express those thoughts. The first has to do with my childlike joy (even ecstasy) at driving on a newly built road. No, I have not flipped my lid, I have always enjoyed driving on new roads, and have recently come to understand that perhaps I like to do so a little more than other (I refuse to use the word "normal") people do. And once I realized that truth I needed to understand why.
So I start with figuring out what I love about the drive. Hmmm…easier said than done. I love the sense of adventure (perhaps I don’t get out enough) of exploring something new. I love the textural feel of the new smooth pavement beneath the tires of the car. I love the feeling that I have a better route to get to my destination. I love the idea of newer, bigger, better, progress, and change.
Wait – who in the world loves the idea of change? I guess I do. I do love to look for the possible, never just sitting still on the status quo, always wanting to be better and easier. (Just ask my employees, I’m constantly looking for ways to improve the operation.)
A new road seems to appeal to me on many levels – visually I have something new to look at, and my brain works on putting the landscape together and understanding the “jigsaw puzzle” which a new road presents to me. My sense of touch and feel gets the thrill of the new smooth pavement (wow that is a big one!) My sense of smell and taste? Hard to say, those 2 might not enter in here. Hearing? The super-uber-quiet of the new pavement, any new sounds which might come to me or be associated with the new road or the route.
Anyway, I tend to think it’s the adventure more than anything else which attracts me. When the highway near my home was torn up in order to make way for improvements to the road, I began waiting with great anticipation the day it would be finished. I think I still have quite some time till that happens, but along the way small sections of road are completed and opened to drivers. Bridge overpasses which are enlarged and improved open and I want to be the first car to travel the length! Newly constructed exit ramps draw me with a powerful force, demanding that I drive the route even when it takes me out of my way! And the other day when I traveled a section of highway which is completely new, driving right next to the old section, I was positively giddy with glee.
So maybe this is not fully understandable nor fully explainable. Perhaps this is just one of those things about me which I can and do control (in case you were worried) but which also brings an element of fun in life to me. I think I’ll stop here, even though I’m sure there’s more to think about. Maybe it’s just meant to be enjoyed.
Friday, January 9, 2009
A little while back I wrote about the film Lions for Lambs, and how it's inability to honestly say what it was trying to imply left it a meaningless dangling participle in the film world.
Not too long ago, W/we watched the film Rendition, which starred Reese Witherspoon, Meryl Streep, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Alan Arkin, just to name a few. Admittedly these stars don't automatically have the drawing power of Robert Redford and Tom Cruise, (who starred with Meryl Streep in Lions for Lambs,) but they are all big names just the same.
The topic was not about a specific war, but rather what happens when well-meaning people go too far. You see, it is called rendition when the government kidnaps a foreign nationalist suspected of terrorist activities and has them shipped to another country where torture is legal and accepted.
Only in the case of the movie, the government took the wrong man, an innocent man, and under torture, he finally told them what they wanted to hear, even though it was a lie.
This film did a little better than Lions for Lambs, because the story went somewhere and was allowed to unfold, and it wasn't stifled so as not to offend the government or the press or some other group of people. One critic gave it 4 out of 4 stars - a far cry better than LfL.
The practice of rendition does need to be examined, the film shows us that, and even Meryl Streep's character talking about how she would rather make such a mistake than to risk the lives of American citizens does not atone for the heinous acts committed in the name of national security.
That said, as you watch this movie, ask yourself if the rendition and torture would have been ok had the government picked up the right man, the guilty man. When we live our lives in fear, we allow bad things to happen. Things like rendition, the loss of civil liberties fought long and hard to win, the loss of our privacy. And so much more - things we practically beg the government to take away from us and our fellow human beings if they would only please keep us safe and protect us from evil people. If only it were that simple.
Far better to live in the light, not in a spirit of fear. Live as beings of love and possibility and positivity, understanding that sometimes bad things will happen to us or those we love. It is called life, and perchance if enough of us learned to spread that light and love, the ripple effect could be enough to change the action of 1 person somewhere so that the next bomb doesn't explode, and the next innocent victim doesn't die.
Step into the light.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
So I spent the day today at the hospital with my mom. I wanted to take her yesterday, but she refused. Today she was worse, so I decided to be disobedient and take her against her wishes.
Interesting thought that. In acting as the dutiful and obedient daughter I most likely did not act in Mom's best interest yesterday, while in acting the disobedient and pushy daughter today I definitely did act in Mom's best interest.
She was admitted with severe cellulitis, which if caught early is not that hard to cure, and if not treated till later can be a real problem with terrible outcomes. I'm still hopeful that she got to the hospital in time.
But back to the interesting thought - at least interesting to me. When I truly do know what is best for Master, am I right to follow my own knowledge and do what is best even when He has other ideas? At what point is it OK to put His safety and well-being above His will? Mom had other ideas which did not include medical attention, but that could very well have resulted in losing her leg, and possibly her life. Must I obey Master, even unto His own detriment? Or did He in fact choose me to care for and protect Him, even when it does not coincide with His will?
I am certain there are as many differing opinions on this matter as there are readers, and ultimately I must always make up my own mind. But I am curious to know what other folks think. Submissive folks and Dominant folks alike.