Where She Stops Nobody Knows

My mind dribbles here and there. The dribbling is either the reason I am struggling with peace and serenity lately, or else it's the by-product of same. I'm not sure.

Son was in his first car accident. Not his fault, and not very serious, and still shook him up.

Car repair issues related to the accident, as well as overall car repair needs for an aging car with 140k+ miles on it that he drives to work, on trips to his girlfriend in another state, and anywhere else he needs to go. Mostly just routine and normal stuff, it's been an excellent car, purchased new in 2001, so no way to complain, but troubling since money is an issue at the moment. Little by little things are getting repaired, hopefully in order of priority safety-wise.

After the car accident, the next weekend he was out of state and drove through a pot hole by mistake. Problem is the rim of one of the wheels was broken (not bent, broken - and he wasn't driving fast, the pot holes were just horrendous!) So, stranded out of state, I went to get him and brought him home, while ordering new wheel. Took him back and forth to work everyday, and when new parts were installed, his girlfriend drove partway here, where we met her and came the rest of the way home. She came with and spent a week with us.

Money we didn't need to have to spend on wheel and repair, and additional travel.

Onslaught of car repair issues with our other 2 cars. Sadly, Master and I both work far from home, with different schedules, so carpooling is difficult at best. So in addition to the expense of the repairs (which W/we didn't need) add in the rental car.

Of course, the already mentioned issues at work. And the Mom things. And son preparing for college in the Fall (he did score amazingly high on his ACT entrance exam - proud mommy moment, lol.)

Yanno. Just stuff. Not handling things as well as I'd like, and thinking some of my ill-health issues are more related to the stress than anything else. And of course, when I say related to the stress I really just mean to the way I'm coping with the stress, which is not as well as I usually do, nor as well as I'd like to.

Last month Master gave me a kindle for my birthday. Loving that. Didn't think I would. I love to read, but I love books. They are living things to me, the smell of the pages, and the feel of them in my hand. Something very substantial about paper and the printing. Turning pages. And my collection of lovely bookmarks. But surprise surprise I love the kindle. Just finished downloading another book - thanks to Gillette for the prompting. The Prophet (Gibran) now resides in my kindle, and I can carry it with me everywhere. Yes, I already own the book, but this way it's easier to have at my fingertips! And without adding anything else to what I'm carrying around I have other books to read in there too. Yes, I really have other interests besides planning a wedding, lol.

Although that is of course always on my mind. Have NO idea what to wear! Well strictly speaking that isn't true, definitely will not wear a wedding gown/dress or anything traditional. W/we really do want something very low-key and unweddingish.

Had wonderful Mother's Day dinner, at same restaurant booked for the wedding actually. Then all 3 of us got food poisoning over the next 2 days. oh noooooo. Cannot even contemplate that happening at the wedding! Have eaten there a lot though, and never happened before. Let's keep a happy thought there.

Son attended Senior Prom with his girlfriend (her school, he's been out of school for a couple years.) So W/we drove out and stayed in a hotel to be there to help him get tux on and took pictures. Had to arrange for the tux, pick it up and take it there, along with her corsage. That was a busy weekend. The kids looked amazing, and they had a great time. I'm glad I went, even though it was hectic. Especially since her parents couldn't be there for the event nor the week leading up to it. They were away on business and couldn't get back. Made it very important for Master and I to go.

Work - cannot even begin to describe the craziness there, but it wanders through my mind all hours of the day. Just as the home stuff wanders around in my head even while I'm at work.

The daggone dog is not merely shedding, her fur is just falling out in huge clumps. There is fur all over this house. Literally. I'm thinking I should gather it up and send it one of those groups that makes booms for the Gulf oil spill. In the meantime, who has time to clean it up constantly? And so it just gets worse. ugh.

Son brought me lovely flowers and a card for mother's day. I didn't really expect anything from him, so that was a delightful surprise. I can see them as I type, and they are lovely.

I wonder if Chloe is ok - I haven't seen any update on her blog, and I'd love to know the answers to the movie thingy. Well, and to know that she's ok too, lol.

The diet has stalled. Time to get re-motivated. ugh.

And keep on looking for a job. That has me stymied. Tough economy to change jobs, but need year-round work, closer to home would be good too. Nothing within my industry, so need to start a new career - that's likely the scariest bit here, along with needing to keep earning at least what I earn now. Hard to do. Not giving up, and trying not to get discouraged.

There's so many other thoughts, all dis-jointed, all stuff running through my head. I will be fine. Not used to all this stress and drama though. Need peace and tranquility. Think this is a good time to watch the movie "Chocolat" again. Any little thing to guide me toward that peace.

Elle was a delightful dear and sent waves of Zen out today - a little something inside me relaxed when I read her entry.

I keep breathing. And I keep letting go. Again and again. And relaxing and breathing. Still haven't found the lasting peace I'm accustomed to having. Trusting and hoping there are lessons to be learned and wisdom to gain from this turbulence. I like the other me better though.

At 46, I wonder if any of my reaction to stress can be attributed to hormonal things? And how would I find out? And if so what to do about it?

See? My mind just won't stop.

Perhaps a xanax would help.

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