It seems that perception really is everything. Different people perceive things differently. This has been brought home to me in many ways lately.
First, the situation with my sister caring for my Mom. A little frustrating for me, I have some measure of clarity that won't penetrate my sister's tinted lenses of what she needs Mom to be instead of honestly accepting where Mom actually is.
I also realized recently that my problems with my dog are partly due to perception. She is my own dog's sister. They were litter-mates, a litter of 8, he was the alpha of the group, she was the runt. He came to live with me, she went to live with my parents. Soon after my Dad died, and she lived with Mom. 2 years ago my big guy died in my arms, and I miss him so very much still. A short time later, due to Mom's aging and health, her dog came to live here. It's been a rough couple of years, every interaction I have with her reminds me of how much I miss him. She comes up lacking day in and day out.
The other day, W/we were visiting with friends who have a female dog also. She's so sweet, and extremely submissive, as is my dog. And that's when it hit me, I don't relate well to submissive dogs. Give me a strong alpha dog, I'm fine. But a submissive dog? Nope.
Yet she is likely the perfect dog for some other personality type - just not mine!
Perception is everything. The facts of the situation don't change, just the way we view it. I hope my sister can come to terms with Mom's reality rather than continuing to struggle with what she wants it to be. And I think I'll go pet my dog. It's not her fault that she's submissive, or that she lives with me now.