Awhile back I was reading one of the positive sites I enjoy, and that day it was highlighting a quote from Joseph Kim. 

"Hope is personal. Hope is something that no one can give to you. You have to choose to believe in hope. You have to make it yourself."

The site author went on to ask readers, "What would it take to enlarge your own hope right now?"

That day, as I looked at those words, I felt a sinking sensation in my soul.  Because I realized that  I was struggling.  I realized I wasn't feeling very positive.   I work so hard at not allowing my outlook to be dimmed by circumstances over which I have no control. Often it's an effortless thing for me, part of who I am I guess, to see the bright side, or realize that in the end all will be well. My grandmother  used a saying to express the relative uselessness of worry, "It will never be seen from a galloping horse."

So it's especially frustrating for me to be in a place, personally, where the pieces of my life truly are perched atop a precipice. It's clear it's all about to topple over the edge, but whether I'm able to fly or end up dashed against the rocks at the bottom is all in the hands of someone else. 

And that's hard to take. It's hard to see the bright side, it's hard to keep on hoping for the best, and yet that's really all I have right now. If the worst happens I'll get through it, I'm resilient that way. But to be so powerless over such potential calamity is wearing me down, mentally, physically, psychologically. 

I will keep hope alive, and right now, I don't know that my hope could possibly be enlarged, there is nothing else BUT hope.  My hope is a massive thing in the face of dire circumstances, with no control of the outcome. But I DO choose to hope, I DON'T give up, and it IS personal. Maybe I'll find that while I can't fly, the tide has rolled in so I can land softly in the water. Maybe I'll find that hope floats.

How big is YOUR hope?