Monday, April 13, 2009
Everything is fine, accept and relax.
I have struggled at times against the relaxed nature of Master's ownership of me. Finding myself all twisted up in my mind about my longing for Him to be stronger and more assertive and more controlling. And oh how my mind would circle around and round, twisting it's metaphoric panties into a wad. Always coming back to acceptance of how things are, and the reality that W/we are creating a life together, and life is not always perfect, nor a bed of roses, nor champagne and caviar. In real life there are struggles. So in the end, my mind calms down, and the twisted-ness relaxes a bit. Until the next time my brain goes haywire.
I recently had a revelation though. For some reason my brain, by it's own little self, finally figured out that Master is very much in control, and doing things as He sees fit. He doesn't do things as I wish, but then again the little voice in my head said "Duh! Isn't that the point?" Perhaps instead of telling me to perform a task he asks me if I would, and perhaps that doesn't fit my limited idea of how Master should issue commands to me. Yet, I finally understood deep inside that it is His right to ask me rather than tell me. It really doesn't matter - the task is still expected to be done. It really isn't my place to have expectations at all.
I really felt quite stupid when my head finally wrapped itself around this notion. Maybe it's easier to feel my ownership when I'm being told rather than asked. But it isn't my place to determine how Master exerts His ownership.
I suspect my journey in regard to labels and semantics and stereo-types over the past few months has led to this revelation. I'm certainly grateful. And my twisted little brain may still falter and forget, but if I can just keep one thought in mind to guide me even when I'm feeling foggy I think it has to be that "Everything is fine, accept and relax."