Monday, April 6, 2009

What's In A Word?

Recently my girl friend, her Dominant partner, my Master, and myself were having a discussion. My girl friend does not consider herself to be a masochist. I was just a little surprised, since I know she is very similar to me in this way. Her take on the matter is that since she doesn't seek pain for the sake of the pain alone, and since she doesn't give physical pain to herself, that she isn't a masochist.

Hmmm. I've never considered that a masochist operated alone, for me the understanding was that a masochist needed a sadist to complete the picture. But sure, I guess there are plenty of folks out there who enjoy hurting themselves, but is that a requirement of the term? If it is then no, I don't fit there either. I don't hurt myself. (Master says that's His job!) lol

And no, I don't like pain for the pain alone, for the sake of the pain. I like pain for the end result. The passage into the happy floaty place, and the sexual gratification too. Pain is something that in the correct circumstance I process as pleasure. Now if I stub my toe into the door while walking, that is not the correct circumstance, and it hurts in a bad way, and I generally will scream bloody murder (or at least some other profanities that good girls don't know.) ;) But in the context of play between Master and me pain isn't pain anymore. My mind feels the pain differently.

So really, my girl friend and I are very similar, but we call it by different terms. The dictionary states that a masochist is one who is given to masochism. OK fine, then what is masochism?


1. Psychiatry. The condition in which sexual gratification depends on suffering, physical pain, and humiliation.

2. gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one's own actions or the actions of others, esp. the tendency to seek this form of gratification.

3. the act of turning one's destructive tendencies inward or upon oneself.

4. the tendency to find pleasure in self-denial, submissiveness, etc.

Origin: 1890–95; named after L. von Sacher-Masoch, who described it;

So do I have to fit all the definitions of the word? I don't think so. And does it really matter? Nope. Girl friend and I enjoy much the same activities for the same purpose, and we call ourselves 2 different things. And that's very good.

On a happy little side note W/we enjoyed a fabulous evening with them both and were treated to a delectable meal, prepared by their hands. What a blessing and joy to have friends we can be ourselves with.



  1. Just wanted to say very intresting thought provoking blog you have written.I think I will take the time to go back and do some research on some other terms I have had on my mind.
    Master JB

  2. Oh know how I always struggle with 'labels' cos more often than not their like off the peg clothes, they never fit quite perfectly.

    In respect of masochism, I've always felt the need to do some 'tailoring'. I would describe myself as a 'mental masochist' that while much of the dictionary term might fit where it touches, my relationship to masochism has always felt a bit complicated.

    If Master wasn't a sadist, then I would never crave the pain play in and for itself. Its always been about the submission. My submitting to him, whether that's through pain, intensely sexual 'play', humilation, and pretty much anything else I could think of is what fulfills my need to submit to him.

    The 'mental masochism' comes in because I've come to learn that I often react in a much stronger way to the things I submit to that I DON'T like, than then things that I do. Its weird, but I hope it makes some kind of sense. Its like it IS about the physical, while at the same time its very much not.

    What a complicated lot we are!!

    love and hugs xxx

  3. Thank you both for stopping by and for the comments. I'm glad you found my thoughts of some interest. We do certainly apply lots of labels in this world.

  4. Happy Easter Tapestry.

    Hope you have a good weekend.

    Love Ronnie

  5. the labels society has haven't fitted me in ages... I don't call myself a masochist... I am submissive... what he wants I enjoy...

    I love what you wrote...


  6. I've often struggled with the term 'masochist' and like you, there's good pain and there's bad pain. I also don't think of Mr. C. as a sadist. What he really enjoys is dominance, and one way to experience that is to hurt me, just as my submission means submitting to pain in addition to other things. Somewhere along the line we have to just forget the labels and be who and what we are.