Power of Two

Listening to The Indigo Girls this afternoon in the car on the way home from work as they sang "Power of Two."

Lovely song, beautiful harmony. Enjoy.

Indigo Girls - Power Of Two (Official Music Video). Watch more top selected videos about: Indigo_Girls

So we're ok
We're fine
Baby I'm here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
We'll look at them together then we'll take them apart
Adding up the total of a love that's true
Multiply life by the power of 2

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Park Joys

I know I wrote in the past about walking in the park near home, and how much I enjoyed feeding and watching the squirrels. I still do. And yes, that's the same park in which I became engaged. :)

The seasons appear to have significant impact on the park. So far this spring, I've encountered very few squirrels to feed - significantly less than last fall. 2 today, instead of the usual 10 or 20 last fall. It's been that way all spring.

There are most likely many reasons for this, and my favorite notion (not based in fact at all) is that the squirrels are still in the den/nesting place having and raising and protecting baby squirrels. I am hopeful that this theory is true and in time the park will be filled with the critters again. In the meantime, I don't spend as much money on nuts right now.

There is a trade-off though. Where we are lacking in squirrels, we are flourishing with birds. They are much more active and in greater numbers than last fall. Where we saw some cardinals, robins, sparrows, and finches in the past, this spring I've noticed all of those, more of them, and also some orioles, woodpeckers, morning doves, and some others I don't know the names of.

It's been very enjoyable to watch the antics of the birds. The sleek, shiny, glossy, jet-black feathers of the oriole which is noticeable when he is perched and then the contrast of the brilliant orange when he spreads his wings to fly away from me. The amazingly vibrant colors of the cardinals in their best finery (or is that feathery?) Even the females are more orange-y than gray at this time of year. And oh the bright cherry red head of the woodpecker!

I tried a gym membership over the winter months, and discovered that while I may need to be there to be active enough in the cold snowy months, I don't like it. The stale air and the drudgery that walking on the treadmill is, make it difficult to go. But looking forward to and then enjoying all the creatures great and small that I encounter at this park situated on the banks of where 3 rivers join, make what is exercise and healthy activity seem like, well, a walk in the park!

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One Tribe

One of my fav groups, The Black Eyed Peas, sing a song called One Tribe, that really resonates with me. The song talks about how we are all connected, all one tribe, and that our differences don't matter. It focuses mainly on racial differences as you would imagine, but I think all the other differences which separate and divide us are easily included in this message.

In the "Lifestyle" Community, we are always rife with intolerance and narrow minded-ness, which, I must confess, has always surprised me greatly. The outside world (vanilla we often call them) are frequently very harsh and intolerant of WIITWD. So why would we be harsh toward one another? I would have thought that being misunderstood by others would help us all to band together. Silly me.

As it turns out, that really is just human nature, no matter where we are. I remain hopeful that love and tolerance and unity will rule the day, even as I've shed some of my naivete and realize that there will most likely always be the nasty boogers among us. Perhaps they are in the world to test us and help us grow. But really, haven't I grown enough? I don't really want to grow anymore.

;)

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Alive and Well

I've been absent for awhile, and don't really have any reason to offer for that. I've found that it's best to go with the ebb and flow of life, and just enjoy each moment without beating myself up for doing or not doing something else. I'm pretty sure Elle has talked in the past about being where my feet are. If it wasn't Elle, it was someone else just as wise and amazing.

Life is good. W/we continue to make plans for O/our wedding, each little decision and step along the way feels good and right. Certain things were very clear to U/us and others needed to be pondered. No problem concluding that a very small, intimate, and casually comfortable affair was best for U/us. A suitable venue was found, a date agreed upon, and things began to happen more quickly after that. I confess to being surprised at the many things to do and details to sort out, even when intentionally having a very small, quiet, intimate, and casual event!

And of course while all this is taking our time and attention, life still goes on. I had foot surgery in January (recovered wonderfully from.) There is work everyday, the commute back and forth, the household chores and needs and responsibilities, and family and friends. Son has been working, and making plans to enroll in and attend college. He's hoping the test scores will be good enough, and then of course there is the financing to work out.
He continues to drive back and forth to a neighboring state to visit his girlfriend, and they've managed to work out a couple of times when he could bring her here to visit for awhile. I LOVE having her here, and really enjoy a "daughter" as well as his joy in her. They've got prom and her graduation coming up before long.

O/our lives have settled in so many ways, and perhaps that is part of why I don't spend the time here that I once did. The questions and angst and drama and sorting through of life are not at the forefront at the moment. Life is just good.

I hope that the same can be said for all of you.

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True Heroes

The following was in my email inbox this morning with my weekly Ripples, and I am compelled to share.

Our planet is filled with heroes, young and old, rich and poor, man, woman of different colors, shapes and sizes. We are one great tapestry. Each person has a hidden hero within, you just have to look inside you and search for it in your heart, and be the hero to the next one in need. The hero in you is waiting to be unleashed. Serve, serve well, serve others above yourself and be happy to serve...you are the change that you dream, as I am the change that I dream, and collectively we are the change that this world needs to be. -Efren Peñaflorida, 2009 CNN Hero of the Year


So much in this speaks so to me. Rather than pontificate myself, I'll let the words stand alone, and hopefully speak to you too.

Peace
Tapestry

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This Magic Moment

We went for our usual walk at the park today. Peanuts clutched in hand to feed the squirrels, and this time Master even brought the camera to capture the little cuties begging and munching, as well as the reeds on the shoreline. We've been photographing the reeds every 3 months, the last time will be in February, and we'll have a year in the life of a reed, so to speak. Master was unusually pokey getting ready to go, fussing over his camera and camera bag. We usually just head out for our walk without all the fuss, but I just waited patiently like a good girl, watching the little doggie across the street trying to convince her owners to let her back into the house. I'm easily amused. :)

But we finally leave, and arrive to a crowded park - it was so nice out today, a bit warmer and a lot dryer than it has been for days and days (perhaps weeks.) We enjoy the walk, the outdoors, the squirrels, and remember to stop at the right pier to go see the reeds. Master sits down as usual to snap pix while I wander about watching the water and the sparkly places where the sun reflects off the ripples. I go look for some more squirrels to feed, just being patient while Master takes photos. I've learned from experience that you just can't rush creativity, or the process, or Him in general. :)

When I wander back to Him and He appears to be done I offer my hand to help Him stand up (there are no railings on the pier.) He takes my hand and raises up as high as His knee, and then pauses. He says something I don't remember, and then shows me a diamond ring and asks me to marry Him! I really was speechless! My eyes began to water, and I know I was laughing and grinning like a fool, and I remember kissing Him. I'm pretty sure I finally said yes and He did place the ring on my finger. Such a special ring since it belonged to his Grandmother. And all the while I was in such a daze!

So He sits back down and reaches into His camera bag, I'm just standing there dazed and gazing at my hand with the ring sparkling in the sunshine, and instead of putting the camera things away so we could resume our walk or move to a different spot, I realize He has brought a bottle of champagne out of the camera bag! (Geez, no wonder it took Him so long to get ready to leave!) So I sit down on the pier with Him and we toast the event and gaze like silly kids into each other's eyes. Then He wants to take pictures of the ring, I'm self-conscious because I'm in need of a manicure, lol, but He putters around with the camera and lighting and focusing and snapping a bunch of photos. We finally pack it up and resume our walk much to the relief of the hungry squirrels. :)

After we return home there are calls to my son (in another state visiting his girlfriend) and my mother. We update our Facebook profiles simultaneously - now that's the height of romantic in this age of inter-webs! And later we dine at our favorite sushi restaurant to celebrate the occasion!

So now you know our news - and I've got a written record of the event to help my feeble mind recall the details. I'm already so fuzzy about the actual proposal and moments just after. I'm crystal clear leading up to and later on, but right there at the moment? It's all a blur, lol.

Life is good, and I hope you are each as blessed with peace and love today and everyday.

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Good Question Michelle!

I love the chatbox in the right margin of this blog. It's a great tool for connecting with others. Recently, Michelle asked, "What made you want to be a slavegirl?"

Certainly far too much runs through my mind to fit in the little chatbox, so I'll answer here instead.

The first thought that popped up was that I really didn't want to be one. I mean seriously, why would I want to serve another person? I work full-time outside the home, and then come home and can't always have my own way, can't always relax when I need to, and frequently feel quite overwhelmed. So I don't know that I really want to be a slave.

The thing is, I just am one. Even when there was no name and title for it (before I found out about power-exchange relationships) it's who I was. While I do need down-time, and can't always take care of and provide for the others in my life the way I'd like to (including Master,) the fact still remains that I am at my best and happiest when I am able to serve. When I feel I've made a positive difference for someone else. In truth, my career is in the service industry, where I care for and provide for others. And since I'm in management, I not only care for the needs of my customers but also my employees.

Even without knowing the first thing about power-exchange, service and slavery, I naturally needed to serve. The short answer is I don't want to be a slave an awful lot of the time. And yet I am happiest when the needs of others are being cared for. I am happier in my relationship with Master when I am able to follow His lead and know that He is happy. That feeds me and meets my needs.

All of that is quite separate from BDSM and my masochistic side. Just enjoying BDSM play is not, for me, related to service. Many folks get caught up in labels and the linguistics used to describe WIITWD, so I'm finding it difficult to describe my feelings here, because I don't want to step on the feelings of anyone else. So try to see beyond the words and understand my heart.

I enjoy masochistic play, and really enjoy that lovely flight into another plane which we usually describe as sub-space. I could pretty much enjoy that play and flight with any skilled sadist, especially if I trusted the person and knew that I was safe. At the end of the play, I could walk away from that sadist, without feeling the need to submit my will to nor serve that person. I would feel equal to that person, knowing that their sadistic needs were met by my own masochistic needs - they needed me as much as I needed them.

Another layer for me is submission of will - doing and being the person that dominant wants me to be. Eating what and how they want me to, cooking the way they want me to, wearing the clothes they want me to, behaving (privately and publicly) the way they want me to. Opening myself to their control, in all areas, not just in the playroom and bedroom. This could also be accomplished with a strong dominant type with whom there was some chemistry. This is a layer deeper for me than just play. But it isn't the deepest layer. After all, I submitted my will easily to the desires and wishes of my father while I was growing up, and even for quite a long time after I was married and not living with nor dependent on my Dad.

The deepest layer for me is in service. And it isn't glamorous. There's nothing fun about cleaning someone's toilet. And yet, that layer is where I find the most intense challenges to my commitment. Because frankly, I don't want to. I don't wanna! I don't like it and it isn't fair. Nobody ever takes care of me. Why do I havta do it? This is the layer where there is very little gratitude, and is typically not even noticed. This is the place where day in and day out, the needs are simply taken care of, and no one even notices. Unless there's a problem. ;)

So why do I engage in service? And no, it isn't just cleaning toilets, it's all the many ways we care for others day in and day out. The cooking and the cleaning are part of it, and the laundry, and all the ways the household needs to function. Yet there are plenty of times when Master will pitch in and even take care of those tasks Himself. So what else is service? Because for me, that's ultimately what makes me a slavegirl. It's the heart and desire to serve, to care for, and make things easier for the ones I love. And that is reserved for those I care deeply for. And I'm not sure I can say, after all this what makes me want to be a slavegirl, I just am one. I need to serve, even in icky tasks that no one likes to do. I need to know I've helped the people I love as they travel the paths of their lives. Sometimes the service may take the form of staying "hands-off" while they sort through things on their own, and sometimes it means packing their lunches for them. My service takes many forms, and it is not often of my own choosing, but rather meeting the need that they have.

So I hope that answers the question. I feel unsatisfied with my response but the truth is, I don't want to be a slave, I simply am a slave. And even when I don't actively pursue and engage in slavery with Master and with the BDSM overtones/undertones, I need and find outlets for service in other areas of my life.

I know that my layers and the descriptions I gave of those layers aren't the same for other people. Please don't take my words as definitions nor universal descriptions for other people, they really only work for and apply to me. (Or as Donkey and Shrek would say, what seems like a parfait to me appears to be an onion to someone else.)

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