Another Loss

I don't have a ton to share at the moment, but did want to let everyone know that W/we are once again dealing with loss here in dragonfly land. It was bad enough to lose O/our beloved Duke this past October, but 2008 wasn't done with U/us, and now W/we have said goodbye to Sir's longtime beloved cat, Ripley.

Sir has written here about Ripley. She was an important part of Sir's life for more years than my own son has been alive. Ripley was a lovable kitty, very curious and friendly, with enough spitfire in her to be interesting. She liked to play rough - oddly enough enjoying very physical play with Sir. It was funny to me from a purely BDSM point of view, the harder he'd "smack" her the happier she was. I'm a very gentle soul by nature, particularly with little animals, but she never enjoyed playing with me, lol.

My kitties have typically run away and hid when visitors came to the house but not Ripley. She loved to be out in the middle of the action, allowing people to pet her (and worship her as was her due.) Ripley always wanted to know what was going on and what all the excitement was. She was certainly far more courageous than my other kitty pets.

W/we will all miss her. There is only one pet left now, he has a few health issues of his own, but hopefully he'll hang around for awhile.

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Cool New Toy

No, no - don't go getting all excited, it's not that kind of toy! lol

I just found the coolest gadget on Listening to My Life called a Wordle.

So of course I had to try it out.

Pretty cool - I had no idea I had written so much about Christmas, not that I think that's a bad thing, just interesting. (If you want to see it larger just click on the word cloud - it will take you to the full-size version. Me and the formatting this morning did not get along.)

Give it a try - for no other reason than it's fun. I think we all need a bit more fun in our lives!

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Only Believe

I don't know why I had a revelation recently about my childhood Christmas experiences, but a revelation I did have. You see, I am significantly younger than my 3 siblings - enough that in official Birth Order speak I am considered an "only child" before "youngest". And for some reason it all of a sudden dawned on me that those older siblings pretended about Santa for many years, in order that I could have the childhood fantasy of Santa.

They didn't just talk about Santa, or refrain from spilling the beans, they created elaborate stories and scenes and scenarios to help me believe. I recall the middle of the night huddles listening to them whispering about hearing hooves on the roof.

This really was a gift from them, because being the youngest when they are so much older did help me to grow up before my time in many ways. I missed out on some of the things that little kids blissfully, and naively enjoy, and went straight to maturity - do not pass go, do not collect $200 - style. So this realization about their willingness to go along with it all and even go out of their way to give me the fantasy is quite special.

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Tee-Hee!

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Lots of Thoughts

I've actually got several blog topics rattling around in my mind - unfortunately I haven't had much time to devote to blogging! It's OK - a happy type of busy-ness during this Holiday season. O/our family observes Christmas (as I mentioned in my last entry.)

We've pared down much this holiday season, sending fewer greeting cards, giving fewer gifts, and generally seeking fewer extravagances while still providing quality opportunities for family time.

One small thing I enjoy as the Day of celebration draws closer is listening to a variety of Christmas music. There's one song which brings me to tears - it's by Newsong and it's called "The Christmas Shoes". It's a song that helps put all the little problems in life into perspective.



I heard another song on the radio the other day too. One I hadn't heard in many years, by Patty Lovelace, called "How Can I Help You Say Goodbye?" And it hit me hard and the tears started running down my face and I couldn't stop them. It isn't a Christmas song at all, but it still forces the listener to place the events of life into perspective.



There's been plenty of cheerful music and happiness going on too - please don't misunderstand. As I deal with some of the changes in my own life and make the adjustments needed, these are the songs and thoughts that stick with me.

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The Balance

Master asked me to update my wishlist and let Him know what I would like for Christmas. And I was stumped.

I'm never stumped when it comes to asking for gifts.

But boy howdy was I stumped.

I could not think of anything at all I wanted at first.

Well, not beyond having my dog back, and world peace of course. Just the big general things everyone wishes for. And frankly, I'd place more faith in the ability of science to bring me my dog back from the dead, than on world leaders to ever achieve lasting world peace. But anyway.

I look around O/our home, and W/we have anything and everything that a sane person could ever expect to have. W/we consume. When W/we want to, as W/we need to. Many of O/our possessions are enjoyed and put to good use. Some of the stuff just sits, unused, un-needed, or too time-consuming to fit our schedules.

And I realized that having the things W/we want does not make U/us happy.

Through one issue or another W/we have dealt with plenty of sadness and depression, lots of negative feelings. O/our material possessions have not helped U/us to cope with or work through any of the issues.

Sometimes I think the things W/we own end up owning U/us. It's rotten to be a slave to things which need to be taken care of.

So what was the answer to the question then.

Well, it turns out that what makes me happiest is when Master is happy. When He is at peace with Himself and His world, I am able to function. When He is in charge and feeling His power, I am whole. The best gift for me is to have a Master who is healthy and centered and balanced. Only He can do that for Himself, so the nicest thing He can give me is the gift of taking care of Himself.

And if He really wants to give me something that costs money, I realized that things which pampered the soul were the things I desired. Like a gift certificate for a pedicure. Or a massage. A facial. Perhaps a gift certificate to see a movie, or a play, or to a nice restaurant.

What appeals are the things which assist me with restoring balance and harmony to my life. I've dealt (generally privately) with so much imbalance and negativity in a variety of ways this year, that I feel very uncentered, and defeated. I realize I have not remained in tune with who I want to be in many instances. Yes, the words overwhelmed and lost come to mind here.

Material belongings can be such life-affirming things, but the getting and keeping and storing of too many of these possessions can be the opposite, life-draining. Preparing my Christmas wishlist has helped me to once again focus on that which is important, and to decide that somehow I need to re-center myself and become balanced again.

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Willing To Decide

This week's Ripple is a bullseye in my opinion. I have to share it:

Ripples v10.49: Decide! (Dec 8, 2008)

The Ripples Project: our tribe of 21,275
who believe tiny actions create big possibilities

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PEBBLE

If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right,
you'll probably never do much of anything.
-Win Borden, submitted by Brett B, Madison WI

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BOULDER

Be willing to make decisions.
That's the most important quality in a good leader.
Don't fall victim to what I call
the Ready-Aim-Aim-Aim Syndrome.
You must be willing to fire.
-T. Boone Pickens, submitted by: Yuridia R., Reedsburg WI

_________
PONDER

Decide. You won't have to make the decision instantly and without thought. You will need to make the decision eventually. If it is time, just take a deep breath, remember that perfection is for amateurs (unless you're a heart surgeon), glance once more at the options and the available information, and DECIDE!

Peace,
Paul

JOIN US

Please join our tribe, it is free!
http://TheRipplesProject.org/Newsletter.php


For good karma, please forward RIPPLES!

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Fantastic Four

So I was innocently minding my own business and what do I find? Tagged! Yup, I've been tagged. What's a good girl to do? Here goes:

First the rules for the Fantastic Four meme:

1. Copy/paste the questions into your blog.

2. Type in your answers.

3. Tag four people on your list (note: TELL people you've tagged them or they may not know!)

4. Don't forget to change the answers to your own!

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FOUR PLACES I GO OVER AND OVER AND OVER:

* Work (Just until Wwe win the Mega-Millions!)

* Master's arms (The snuggliest and safest place to be.)

* Starbucks (Yummm-O)

* GameStop (With a teenage son it seems that I'm there almost daily.)

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FOUR PEOPLE WHO EMAIL ME REGULARLY:

* Master (Makes the workday brighter.)

* Audra (Always shares the funny ones.)

* Susan (She just got married!)

* A lot of spammers who think I need viagra. (roflmao)

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FOUR PLACES I LIKE TO EAT:

* Bonefish Grille (I love the House Salad!)

* Fuji Sushi (They make a custom Maki for me that has salmon, cream cheese, cucumber, and avocado in it. mmmm!)

* Sizzling Bombay (It's all good, I really like the Chicken Tikka Masala though.)

* California Pizza Kitchen (Pick one, any one, you can't go wrong!)

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FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:

* Las Vegas

* Tied up and flogged

* Getting a pedicure
* hmmm - this is tough, I'm actually quite happy to be where I am, the three above are all that I can dream up at the moment.

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FOUR TV SHOWS I COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER:

I hate to say it, but none. W/we watch quite a few shows (thank heaven for DVR's.) But W/we never watch a show W/we've already seen. W/we will however watch movies more than once. So I'm going to list 4 of the TV Shows I like a lot - even though I don't watch an episode more than once, and then I'm going to list 4 movies that I've watched again and again, and would watch again right this very minute if I wasn't busy doing this silly meme.

* The Closer

* The Unit

* Criminal Minds

* The Daily Show

* The American President

* Legally Blonde

* The Princess Bride

* Love Actually

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FOUR PEOPLE THAT I THINK WILL RESPOND WITH A LITTLE LINKY LOVE:

* Constance (After her visitors return to their homes and she has time.)

* Cookie (When the kids settle in.)

* Princess (Once she gets rid of the bug which is making her sick.)

* Lady Esenem (In between getting settled into her new home.)

And that's the end.

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Peace In My Heart

Today, as I read the Daily OM for Aries (me) I was touched by the message that we can make a difference in the world, even if it's on a small scale. The message spoke of how we respond with compassion when we hear of the plight of another, whether it's someone nearby, farther away, or on the other side of the world. And how we feel burdened to help in small happenings and large catastrophic events equally, that our hearts are still filled with desire to help others.

This touched me because it's very true of me, even as I know of many people of whom it is not true. I won't assume it's simply because I'm an Aries, more likely it's a combination of factors, not the least of which include my familial birth order, who my parents were, and how they raised me. I know I have a need to help others, a desire to please, and that I feel things deeply. A friend was enduring a rough place in her life, and when she told me about it I began to weep. I felt so bad, as I wanted to comfort her, but there I was falling apart. She remarked then, "Poor Tapestry, you are the one who always feels everything so keenly." I hated that she was the one giving me comfort at that time, yet in fact, she is generally much stronger than I am all the time.

She's right, and in cases like that I wish I was better at keeping my distance and keeping perspective so that I can be of help. Being burdened by compassion for others is not always a gift, at least not in the sense we think of gifts. Yet, it IS a gift. To see the good in others, to love unconditionally, to care enough to reach out and help another soul on their life journey, this to me is life itself. It isn't something I can just turn-off like a light switch. I could no more harden my heart to the suffering of innocent victims than I could stop loving my son.

Another point in the message this morning was to suggest specific ways we may wish to help or reach out to others. There was quite a large paragraph devoted to assisting with financial aid, charity, time spent face to face helping, listening, doing for others. All of these things left me feeling a bit out of sorts. I'm not in a place at the moment where I can share financially with others, nor am I in a place where I have much in the way of time and energy to spare. What I do have must be guarded carefully and spent frugally so that I don't become run-down, unable to be of any use to myself or my family.

Finally, at the end of the message, the following words were shared:

When we hear of people in difficult situations, we can choose that moment to send some positive thoughts to them. It may not feel like much help, but it is something we can do at any time throughout our day. By turning your thoughts toward the creation of a better world today, you do make a difference.

And those words found my center, and resonated within me. That I can do. For those whom I know and strangers alike. For people in my family, my workplace, my hometown, and those who are geographically far away. I can make a difference. I can change the world, tip the balance of energy, and make this a better place for all of us.

And that brought peace to my heart.

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Recession-Proof?

So in this rotten economy, as I watch the stock market go bust, and auto-makers struggle to stay in business, and electronics stores fizzle, and my beloved Starbucks stores close up, I have come to realize there is probably nothing which is recession-proof.

Until I drove by a McDonalds, and realized that whether the economy is good or bad, McDonalds will always thrive. It seems that when we're broke, we can afford McDonalds (even when that is all we can afford!) And when we're living in "high-cotton" we still purchase what is offered there.

In fact, from an industry perspective (I'm in food service) it seems that when people are not feeling a pinch in their wallets, they are more inclined to demand healthier fare, which costs more than fatty stuff.

So perhaps, buying stock in McD's or purchasing a franchise, is a smart strategy for financial health.

Dunno.

Just another one of those things that make me go "Hmmmmmm..."

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I Love To Read

If you've been reading me for any amount of time you'll know that I love to read, and share about some of the books I'm reading. (Here, Here, and Here to name just a few.)

A few minutes ago I was reading my friend's blog, and naturally decided to participate in the meme myself. That means picking up the book closest to me (I'm a good girl and try to always follow directions.) Wednesday night I picked up a new book from my favorite bookstore (Barnes & Noble) and it's sitting on my nightstand, although I haven't begun reading it yet.

So here goes. :)

First, here are the directions for the meme:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 56.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next seven sentences in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don’t dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.

And now, what happened when I did it:

"Off the Menu" by Christine Son

"I could set you up with someone, if you're interested," he said. "There's a buddy of mine who I think would be great for you."

"Please," she said, rolling her eyes in the darkness, "spare me the pity. Besides, who said that I was even looking? I've got my restaurants to worry about. Dragonfly is busier than ever, and construction's keeping me up all night at Dragonfly Deux."

"Is that what you're calling it? Dragonfly Deux?"

I guess technically that's 8 not 7, but it didn't seem right to cut it off. I haven't read the book yet, and so I'm not sure what they're talking about exactly, but I do serve approximately 2400 meals per day in my 3 food service establishments, so I'm looking forward to getting more into this. And, too, you may have noticed, my Sir and I have a thing for Dragonflies, so that intrigues me as well.

Also, I decided to buy the book in the first place because of the dragonfly on the front cover *giggle*, and reading this note on the back cover: "Off the Menu is filled with characters who will resonate with anyone who has struggled to balance pleasing others with following a dream." (That was written by Tasha Alexander, author of "And Only To Deceive" and "A Fatal Waltz".

I often think most of life is about looking for that balance. We are often told that we should follow our dreams, and yet we are also told to play nice, don't be selfish, think of others. So walk the tightrope we must.

So, now you know what I'm about to read, and this was the book closest to me.

How about you? What are you reading?

Make A Difference

Every positive thought or feeling we can bring into the world contributes to the aggregate energy, giving us the power to shift the balance and change the world.
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Are You Positive?

Henry Kissinger said, "Each success only buys an admission ticket to a more difficult problem."

I chuckled when I first read that, and recognized the cynicism inherent in the comment immediately.

But as time has passed I've come to realize that I vehemently disagree with the statement. In fact, problems are a part of life, there will always be problems, challenges, opportunities, teachable moments, learning encounters, or whatever label you want to use. That is just part and parcel, the nature of life. If we stop learning, growing, and facing challenges I believe we are doomed.

The problems will always be there, and they may, in fact, be more difficult than one we successfully faced in the past. It's possible.

And what is wonderful, is that since we have successfully navigated our way through trials and tribulations before, we are now stronger, wiser, and better prepared to get through the next round of problems.

So yes, there will always be another problem Mr Kissinger, but no, that is not the only benefit we gain from succeeding. What we actually gain is the ability to handle those problems. The problems will be there whether we like it or not. They don't come as a result of our success, they come because that is the nature of life. So much better to be prepared and ready to face them.

I dislike sweeping generalities, and I dislike negativity. Nothing is ever always true or false, and nothing is ever all bad. We can teach ourselves to see the positive. It isn't easy, but it can be done.

What better time to begin than now? And what better way to begin, than by listing your blessings. What is wonderful and positive in your life?

For me, I am grateful for Master, for my son, for good health, for the mental and physical ability to earn a good living, and for the many friends and family who complete me. I am also grateful for the situations in life which I find disagreeable, for the people I dislike coping with, and the sadness that befalls my heart. For only in having good and bad, positive and negative, am I able to truly appreciate the wonderful things. Only when confronted with sadness can I also feel joy. I am thankful that I can cry, and mourn, feel anger, doubt, confusion, and despair, for these are the things which also allow me to laugh and celebrate, feel joy, certainty, clarity, and elation.

What are you thankful for?

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New Gun Fun

So I have a new gun. I love shooting my Springfield Armory XD9 (9mm), and I'm very partial to it since it was the first gun I ever owned. And I'm very accurate with it. A friend of mine went shooting with U/us once, and after observing my shooting skills remarked, "Remind me to never break into your home."

*grin*

Anyway, W/we wanted to add to my collection (can't really call 1 gun a collection, lol) and since my carpal tunnel syndrome is making the XD9 a little harder to load, W/we decided on a 22. Sir is a researcher and a shopper and a comparer, so away He went. Of the choices He gave me, I selected the one that looked best to me. And so now, I own gun #2, a Sig Sauer Mosquito.

So W/we went to practice shooting with the new gun. Lots easier to load, lots of fun to shoot, not much kick. Still working on the accuracy thing - but it does take time shooting a gun to get the feel for it. I'm surprisingly very accurate with Sir's guns (45's) and of course very good with the 9mm. But still have a ways to go with this one. Apparently the lighter weight ammo and small size really does make a difference. With my aim, accuracy, and oddly enough, with my own personal safety.

Personal safety? What is she talking about??

Well, since you asked, I'll tell you. With the other guns I've shot, I was accustomed to the occasional shell casing ejecting and landing on me and then bouncing to the ground. Yes, generally the casings eject to the side, but sometimes they go backwards.

Same is true with the 22 - usually to the side, occasionally backwards. One thing though, they are small, small, little, little bullets, which means small, small, little, little shell casings. And I never realized until I experienced it, that they didn't weigh very much - not much at all. And so gravity was unable to help me out when one of those shell casings landed inside my blouse. And stuck there instead of bouncing off and falling to the ground. And as I tried to carefully lay the gun down and get the casing out of my blouse, I was unable to do it quickly enough to keep the casing from searing my skin. And my skin melted. And it hurt. Alot.



Of course, I'm really embarrassed to admit that after that first time I blithely returned to shooting, and it happened again. After the second time I wised up and buttoned my blouse up all the way. The picture above is the wound 5 days later. Yes, 5 days.

So I've added another rule to the list of safety rules for handgun use. Sure, I'll remember a gun is always loaded, and I'll remember to never point a gun at anything/anyone I'm not intending to shoot, and I'll remember to always know what's behind my target, but now I'll also always remember to shoot the little guns while wearing turtle-neck sweaters!

lol

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Pervertables

Lots of discussion over the years among friends and acquaintances in the Lifestyle Community about "Pervertables". Specifically those things which have a purpose in the realm of "normal" daily life, and which sadistic and masochistic types are able to adapt for our own pleasurable uses.

It's fun to walk through stores looking at everyday items and thinking about what fun can be had with some of the items. Hardware stores are wonderful places for such fun. I've nearly swooned in joy and anticipation at a Home Depot in front of the rope and chain display. *blush*

There was also the time Sir and I were grocery shopping, and He paused in front of the light bulb display. I was confused at first since we didn't need any light bulbs at the time. Until I realized He was looking for different types and varieties of bulbs for use in O/our Violet Wand. I nearly melted into sub-space on the spot!

Housewares and kitchen supply stores are awesome too - all those spatulas and wooden spoons, and lots and lots of other fun things. W/we've enjoyed duct tape displays at an arts and crafts store too - they had a lot of very pretty colors of duct tape not seen in other stores.

Today, however, W/we were at Cabela's, enjoying the knives, oars, and paddles, camping and fishing gear, the plentiful rope displays, and the lovely heart-shaped caribiners. Then W/we walked by something that stopped me dead in my tracks. The name made me giggle, but when I learned what the tool was really for and what it would do, I realized it was absolutely not, NOT, a good candidate for any pervertable purpose. It's called a "Butt-Out" and there is nothing funny about the tool in my mind. Hard limit for sure.

But still, the name was funny to see at first, given my pre-disposition to see the fun side of run-of-the-mill stuff.

W/we had a great time at Cabela's today.

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American Boy

Really liking this song lately, I hope she gets her trip! Oddly enough she never mentions wanting to go to Las Vegas. Very odd. That's my favorite place, especially when Sir takes me there.

And on a silly note, when I first heard the song, before I read the lyrics, I was convinced that instead of saying "I really want to come kick it with you," Estelle was saying "I really want to cook naked with you."

*giggle*

I think it's important to be very very careful when cooking naked, but when Sir is the one I'm cooking naked with, it's lots of fun! (Ask him about his pancakes in the nude.) roflol!!!

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Viva la Vida

So I've been listening to Coldplay alot lately. I've always loved a good jam band - one with whom you can let your mind go and just get lost floating along in the music. The album Viva la Vida is pretty awesome in that regard.

Even though this music is great for getting swept up in, I do sometimes want to know the words and even sing along. The song "Violet Hill" caught my attention when I noticed the phrase: "carnival of idiots."

And there's just something about saying that phrase - it's so descriptive and evokes such a visual image. Of course we all often have to deal with situations where we feel surrounded by just such a group. And I'm sure that frequently I am part of that same group! Such is life. Sometimes we're the windshield, sometimes we're the bug and sometimes we're part of the carnival of idiots, sometimes we're the innocent spectator trying to lie low!

Just a great descriptive turn of speech - no big deal - but I do appreciate the creativity.

Yes, sometimes it's the little things.

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So Hard

It's so hard to post something here, or anywhere. It's so hard to share bits and pieces of myself and the world around me and the experience of life which is mine. Part of the letting go process seems to involve both a numbness and a "deadness" inside. I still function fine, I talk about him, I smile, laugh, cry, and remember. I remind myself how incredibly blessed I am to have shared the world with a creature as intensely wonderful as him. How blessed I am that for almost 11 years, my life was enriched by the deep attachment he felt for me. Yes, I was deeply attached to him as well, and I still am. What is missing from my life is the experience of his strange yet real attachment for me. Ask anyone who knew me, Duke, and my family - immediate and extended. And they will all tell you that yes, he was absolutely my dog. Through his own choice, his own decision, he latched onto me and devoted himself to me. He liked others very much - partly due to his Retriever genes, and partly because, as my dog, he responded to my own ability to take delight in other people. But it was always very clear that I was his. He claimed me as his own, and allowed no one to come between us. He did all that I asked, always, even when overly excited and needing firmer direction. All he asked in return was to never be seperated from me. And heaven help us if he found himself on the other side of a door from me. (I kept trying to explain to him that if I was in the bathroom I was sure to come back out, as there was no other way out of that room unless you were water.)

So, I'm trying to come to terms with knowing that there have been pets in the past, there will be pets in the future, but there is a very slim chance that there will be another with his unique set of characteristics. I know I will love another dog or two while I'm on the earth, but I doubt I'll find another one who loves me so fervently and so devotedly. And without meaning to sound selfish, that makes me sad. And I'm trying to come to terms with this knowledge, and begin or continue the letting go and acceptance process.

And I really am functioning fine, I'm not debilitated, I'm not being overly-dramatic, I am able to go about my daily business just fine. But there's something about the process of sharing here, in this blog, that makes these thoughts come to the surface. And so while I hope you aren't bored to tears, I do thank you for allowing me the place to try to sort it out and continue to heal.

In a recent post to O/our local Master/slave group, one of the members shared this:

THE SACRAMENT OF LETTING GO

I worry too much

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Autumn leaves ask me not to worry.
They suggest trust, rather than worry.

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So often in Autumn,

I want to go lean my head against a tree and ask what it feels like to lose so much,

to be so empty, so detached, to take off one's shoes that well,

and then simply to stand and wait for the universe's refilling.

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It sounds so simple, so easy.

But it isn't easy. It's hard! But possible.

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We Autumn stragglers must try hard not to wear discouragement

as a cloak, because we cannot wear emptiness enough to make us free.

It takes a long time to get as far as even wanting to be empty.
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It is the sacrament of letting go that our hearts are hungering for.

And once we discover that we already possess enough grace to let go,

trust begins to form in the center of who we are.

Then we take off our shoes and stand empty and vulnerable,

eager to receive the next gift.

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Slowly, the trees celebrate the sacrament of "letting go".

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First, they surrender their green, then their orange, yellow and red.

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Finally, they let go of their brown.

Shedding their last leaf they stand empty and silent, stripped bare.
Leaning against the sky they begin their vigil of TRUST.

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As the last leaf falls, they watch it journey to the ground.

They stand in silence, wearing the color of emptiness,

their branches wondering:

How do you give shade, with so much gone?

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And then the sacrament of waiting begins.

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The sunset and sunrise watch with tenderness

clothing them with silhouettes that keep HOPE alive.

They help them understand that vulnerability, dependence, need,

emptiness, and readiness to receive,

are giving them a new kind of beauty.

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Every morning and every evening, we stand in silence,

celebrating together the sacrament of letting go… of waiting…

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Let us pray for one another; for emptying is painful, and the community that we are, demands that we support each other in this Autumn effort.

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Autumn leaves ask us not to worry.

And as I read this Sacrament, I began to cry, tears sliding silently down my face, until they ran faster and I sobbed aloud. For deep inside I know this must happen, I must let go, and be still, in order to be refilled. That means I must let go of my fear of never having a companion pet such as Duke again. I must let go of my sense of loneliness and missing him. Yet, while I am empty, it is OK to exist, without giving back too much, without giving good shade for those who pass by. It is my time to be empty and to wait. To let go and to simply be.

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Sad Place In My Heart

Last week I lost my best friend, my dog Duke. He was ill with an incurable disease, he lived well and was happy until the end when he died in my arms at 11:45 PM on October 8, 2008. Duke was 10 years and 10 months old. The picture above was taken on the 8th, I caught him in mid-lick as he watched me outside.

In time we will all heal, I know this since he's not the first pet I've lost. He is just the most special to me so far.

see more puppies

What Is It About Knives?

Just what is it about knives that is such a turn-on?

Is it the skillful and masterful way He handles them?

Is it that He invariably uses a big, mean, and lethal looking knife?

Is it the look in His eyes when He begins to run the knife blade over my skin?

Perhaps it's the feeling of the knife on my skin, at times warm and then cool when turned slightly.

Perhaps it's the thrill of not knowing what is coming next.

Probably it is all of the above and more.

Knife play is different than a beating, or wax play, or punching, or caning, or spanking, or flogging. Knife play has elements that are more unpredictable. Harder to define.

I'm fine with that.

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More Liz Phair

Yes, I admit it, this is one CD I enjoy an awful lot, lol. Who could resist a song dedicated to wonderful, magical, Hot White Cum???????

Anyway, the other day as I was driving home with the car stereo blaring Liz, I heard the song "Bionic Eyes". I really get a kick out of that song, it certainly turns the tables on how women are treated by men (in the most general of terms).

One of the best lines of the song is: "Show me a man you cannot break and I will show you heaven." And that is so true. Heaven is knowing that you have a man that you can't break, even when you're at your worst. Sheryl Crow sings a song which asks "Are you strong enough to be my man?" Same thing as Liz is singing about.

Shoot, if I was a doormat, a passive person, or simple-minded and dim-witted what challenge would that be for a man? If I was easy to handle, easy to dominate, and submissive to everyone I meet, how would that bring honor to the man who I submit to?

The honor in Mastering me is that it isn't easy, not for the weak of heart, and not something the average schmoe could do. And perhaps that's why I have to see if I have a man I cannot break - it's a way of finding heaven. Perhaps I need to know I have a man who is able to handle me, even when I'm at my worst. A man who can't be broken, a man who is strong enough to be my man.

Not that I ever mean to test Him, I think sometimes it's just an instictive thing, a need to have that reassurance that He is the rock. And that no amount of storm, even hurricane force winds, can shake Him.

It can all be very complex, this whole relationship thing. Much harder than songs make it seem.

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Little Digger

Liz Phair sings a song on her self-titled album called "Little Digger". The song really speaks to me, in a couple ways.

First, when the little boy is trying to say that his Mom is one of a kind - a very special person - he says: "My mother is mine." And I've always thought how true that is, we want to say something, and often it comes out very differently. Especially for children who are not equiped to express themselves as well as adults are supposed to be.

Second, when the Mom recognizes that: "I've done the damage, the damage is done. I pray to God that I'm the damaged one. And all these grown-up complications that you don't understand, I hope you can someday, I hope you can."

As a mom, myself, I constantly struggle to be the best parent I can be. Have done so for 17 years now. And I've learned to recognize that there is no more important relationship nor person in my life than my son. Sure, there are important and significant people and relationships - from my own mother, to other family and friends, to Master. And all of these people have made me (and continue to make me) the person I am.

But there is nothing I will do on this earth that is more important than parenting this person.

Constance actually brought this more into focus for me recently when she mentioned that her children are off-limits in her DD relationship with Mr C. And basically that has been true for U/us as well, although W/we do many things as a team when it comes to the Son, the final bottom line is always up to me. And so it must be. And so I must also guard against ever allowing anything to come between that young man and me.

I chose very well though, and made sure Sir was someone that could relate well to my son, and vice versa.

And then I realized that while my son is the most important relationship I have, in time, I will not be his most important relationship, for once he has a child or children of his own, they must become his most important focus. Just as my mom, while incredibly important on so many levels, ceased being my central relationship when my son was born. It's funny how the person who was our world when we were young must move out to the periphery as we grow and mature. And yet it is part of the circle of life, my challenge being that I do let go as he grows, and allow him to move on and branch out.

I've actually done fairly well with that to this point. He will never need to wonder if I'm here for him, and never need to wonder if I love him. He'll never be pushed away to the fringes of my life. Yet I will continue to give him space and room to grow into his own person, even as I continue to guide and mentor him.

And for this, more than any other accomplishment, will I be remembered and loved even after my death.

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7 Years Ago

I wrote about my trip to NYC in August 2001 HERE. Well, on that same trip, my girlfriend and I wandered with our sons around the city, stopping wherever we felt the whim. As you can imagine, with 2 ten year old boys, we spent quite a bit of time in FAO Schwartz!

One of the places we went was St. Patrick’s Cathedral. My friend was a good Catholic girl, and I was certainly interested in seeing for myself the place I’d watched on TV for so many weddings and funerals of famous people.

Anyway, while we were at the cathedral, my girlfriend answered any questions my son or I had. He asked what all the candles were for, and she explained that people lit a candle as they prayed for someone. At this time, in August 2001, my son asked if he could please light a candle. I thought he just wanted to play with the fire! But he finally told us why he wanted to do it. He said he had an uncle who was very ill (my brother) and he wanted to say a special prayer so God would make him better. OK, so you can imagine I’m crying now, and there’s no way he’s not going to light a candle, I don’t care if he’s catholic or not, or if I have the suggested donation to put in the box or not. So as my girlfriend, her son, and I looked on, all quietly praying ourselves, my son lit a candle for his uncle, and prayed that God would make him better.

Apparently the prayers of a 10 year old boy availeth much, because my brother is remarkably improved and doing very well, all things considered. There is no full healing for what is wrong with him, but he has stabilized and he is almost completely well.

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Orgasm Control/Denial

Sir enjoys the practice of orgasm control and denial.

I suspect many Dominant-type people do.

Can't say I love it though, lol, since it only seems to be my orgasms He wishes to deny/control. :)

I have tried to explain that it's ok, He doesn't have to ration them, I can have as many as He wants me to have. I won't run out, there's plenty more waiting.

Whaaaat???

It's true, lol.

Somehow, as adorable and cute as I am, and no matter how much I make Him laugh, He just doesn't seem inclined to understand just what I'm trying to say. And He doesn't give in.

*pout*

There must be something about begging that pleases these Dominant-types.
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Perfect!

OK, I'm not one to bash my opinions into someone else - if we think alike, great. If we don't, that's cool too. There's room for many points of view in my world. This doesn't mean I'll cave in and agree with you, nor do I expect you to agree with me. I'm actually quite comfortable in my own skin, and believing what I believe, and don't mind if you see things differently.

Which is why you don't see political bumper stickers on my cars, or signs in my yard. But the one here is very tempting! :)

No matter who you think should be the next President, you have to see the humor in this.

(Although if you don't, that's ok too, I think it's hysterically funny, which is all that really matters.)

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Windshield or Bug

A recent weekly newsletter from Paul at the Ripples Project reminds me that in life, there's going to be times when things don't always go as planned.

The first quote is "Sometimes, in life, you are the windshield, and sometimes you are the bug." (source unknown).

So true.

Then he shares a longer quote:

Be of good cheer.

Do not think of today's failures,

but of the success that may come tomorrow.

You have set yourselves a difficult task,

but you will succeed if you persevere;

and you will find joy in overcoming obstacles.

Remember, no effort that we make

to attain something beautifulis ever lost.

-Helen Keller

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Finally, Paul shares: "If you have smashed into something recently, or if something has smashed into you, just know that you are not alone! Everyone experiences WINDSHIELDS and BUGS occasionally, and right this moment there is someone out there who has survived the yuckiness you're facing, and there is almost certainly someone waiting to help you whether you need a pat on the back, some advice, or perhaps a few squirts of Windex! Peace, Paul"

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It's always nice to be reminded that we aren't alone, no matter what we're going through.

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How Odd

Sometimes people can be downright odd I think.

I was reading Constance's Blog and found a comment that was really quite rude to Constance by way of insulting her love and her Master, Mr C. I was trying to imagine a scenario where someone would think it OK to write a nasty remark about my own dear Sir. And most especially for that to happen here on my own blog.

I confess, I find that to be the most outrageous of bad behavior.

Bash whomever you want to bash if you must, but not on another person's blog, and especially not when it's about that person or someone they love.

I think I prefer the Kind Blog ideal.

It isn't because men like Mr C and my dear PirateDaddy can't stand up for themselves - of course they can. They surely do not need Constance or myself to defend them. That is not the point. And it is not because people like Constance and me think our Dominants are perfect. We're actually quite well aware of the faults of these men we love. And yet we love them anyway. Hmmm, almost like they love us in spite of our failings.

That is what makes a good relationship, one worth working at and holding onto and fighting for if need be. Love without blinders. Love that doesn't pretend everything is perfect; love willing to work on improving and growing and changing, acknowledging the need for being better. If we pretend everything is perfect just as is, the relationship is doomed for failure.

But that doesn't give someone outside the relationship the right to make rude comments about our partner. Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean you can put it down or be churlish. Either seek to learn and understand or else just let it go and move on.

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Barrington Bunny

One of my all-time favorite short stories, written by Martin Bell in his book "The Way Of The Wolf" is called "Barrington Bunny". This is not a story I can usually read without crying, even dating back to my teenage years when I first heard the story. Contained in the words of the story we learn about self-pity, the need for belonging, and the incredible gift of love for others, which must begin with love for ourselves. I hope you take as much with you as I did, and do - each time I read it.

Once upon a time in a large forest there lived a very furry bunny. He had one lop ear, a tiny black nose, and unusually shiny eyes. His name was Barrington.

Barrington was not really a very handsome bunny. He was brown and speckled and his ears didn't stand up right. But he could hop, and he was, as I have said, very furry.

In a way, winter is fun for bunnies. After all, it gives them an opportunity to hop in the snow and then turn around to see where they have hopped. So, in a way, winter was fun for Barrington.

But in another way winter made Barrington sad. For, you see, winter marked the time where all of the animal families got together in their cozy homes to celebrate Christmas. He could hop, and he was very furry. But as far as Barrington knew, he was the only bunny in the forest.

When Christmas Eve finally came, Barrington did not feel like going home all by himself. So he decided he would hop for awhile in the clearing at the center of the forest.

Hop. Hop. Hippity-hop. Barrington made tracks in the fresh snow.

Hop. Hop. Hippity-hop. Then he cocked his head and looked back at the wonderful designs he had made.

"Bunnies," he thought to himself, "can hop. And they are very warm, too, because of how furry they are."

(But Barrington didn't really know whether or not this was true of all bunnies, since he had never met another bunny.)

When it got too dark to see the tracks he was making, Barrington made up his mind to go home.

On his way, however, he passed a large oak tree. High in the branches there was a great deal of excited chattering going on. Barrington looked up. It was a squirrel family! What a marvelous time they seemed to be having.

"Hello, up there," called Barrington.

"Hello, down there," came the reply.

"Having a Christmas party?" asked Barrington.

"Oh, yes!" answered the squirrels. "It's Christmas Eve. Everybody is having a Christmas party!"

"May I come to your party?" said Barrington softly.

"Are you a squirrel?"

"No."

"What are you, then?"

"A bunny."

"A bunny?"

"Yes."

"Well, how can you come to the party if you're a bunny? Bunnies can't climb trees."

"That's true," said Barrington thoughtfully. "But I can hop and I'm very furry and warm."

"We're sorry," called the squirrels. "We don't know anything about hopping and being furry, but we do know that in order to come to our house you have to be able to climb trees."

"Oh, well," said Barrington. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," chattered the squirrels.

And the unfortunate bunny hopped off toward his tiny house.

It was beginning to snow when Barrington reached the river. Near the river bank was a wonderfully constructed house of sticks and mud. Inside there was singing. "It's the beavers," thought Barrington. "Maybe they will let me come to their party."

And so he knocked on the door.

"Who's out there?" called a voice.

"Barrington Bunny," he replied.

There was a long pause and then a shiny beaver head broke the water.

"Hello, Barrington," said the beaver.

"May I come to your Christmas party?" asked Barrington.

The beaver thought for awhile and then he said, "I suppose so. Do you know how to swim?"

"No," said Barrington, "but I can hop and I am very furry and warm."

"Sorry," said the beaver. "I don't know anything about hopping and being furry, but I do know that in order to come to our house you have to be able to swim."

"Oh, well," Barrington muttered, his eyes filling with tears. "I suppose that's true-Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," called the beaver. And he disappeared beneath the surface of the water.

Even as furry as he was, Barrington was starting to get cold. And the snow was falling so hard that his tiny, bunny eyes could scarcely see what was ahead of him.

He was almost home, however, when he heard the excited squeaking of field mice beneath the ground.

"It's a party," thought Barrington. And suddenly he blurted out through his tears, "Hello, field mice. This is Barrington Bunny. May I come to your party?"

But the wind was howling so loudly and Barrington was sobbing so much that no one heard him.

And when there was no response at all, Barrington just sat down in the snow and began to cry with all his might.

"Bunnies," he thought, aren't any good to anyone. What good is it to be furry and to be able to hop if you don't have any family on Christmas Eve?"

Barrington cried and cried. When he stopped crying he began to bite on his bunny's foot, but he did not move from where he was sitting in the snow.

Suddenly, Barrington was aware he was not alone. He looked up and strained his shiny eyes to see who was there.

To his surprise he saw a great silver wolf. The wolf was large and strong and his eyes flashed fire. He was the most beautiful animal Barrington had ever seen.
For a long time the silver wolf didn't say anything at all. He just stood there and looked at Barrington with those terrible eyes.

Then slowly and deliberately the wolf spoke. "Barrington," he asked in a gentle voice, "why are you sitting in the snow?"

"Because it's Christmas Eve," said Barrington, "and I don't have any family, and bunnies aren't any good to anyone."

"Bunnies are, too, good," said the wolf. "Bunnies can hop and they are very warm."

"What good is that?" Barrington sniffed.

"It is very good indeed," the wolf went on, "because it is a gift that bunnies are given, a free gift with no strings attached. And every gift that is given to anyone is given for a reason. Someday you will see why it is good to hop and to be warm and furry."

"But it's Christmas," moaned Barrington, "and I'm all alone. I don't have any family at all."

"Of course you do," replied the great silver wolf. "All of the animals in the forest are your family."

And then the wolf disappeared. He simply wasn't there. Barrington had only blinked his eyes, and when he looked-the wolf was gone.

"All of the animals in the forest are my family," thought Barrington. "It's good to be a bunny. Bunnies can hop. That's a gift." And then he said it again. "A gift. A free gift."

On into the night Barrington worked. First he found the best stick he could. (And that was difficult because of the snow.)

Then hop. Hop. Hippity-hop. To beaver's house. He left the stick just outside the door. With a note on it that read: "Here is a good stick for your house. It is a gift. A free gift. No strings attached. Signed, a member of your family."

"It is a good thing that I can hop, he thought, "because the snow is very deep."
Then Barrington dug and dug. Soon he had gathered together enough dead leaves and grass to make the squirrels' nest warmer. Hop. Hop. Hippity-hop.

He laid the grass and leaves just under the large oak tree and attached this message: "A gift. A free gift. From a member of your family."

It was late when Barrington finally started home. And what made things worse was that he knew a blizzard was beginning.

Hop. Hop. Hippity-hop.

Soon poor Barrington was lost. The wind howled furiously, and it was very, very cold. "It certainly is cold," he said out loud. "It's a good thing I'm so furry. But if I don't find my way home pretty soon I might freeze!"

Squeak. Squeak. . . .

And then he saw it-a baby field mouse lost in the snow. And the little mouse was crying.

"Hello, little mouse," Barrington called.

"Don't cry. I'll be right there." Hippity-hop, and Barrington was beside the tiny mouse.

"I'm lost," sobbed the little fellow. "I'll never find my way home, and I know I'm going to freeze."

"You won't freeze," said Barrington. "I'm a bunny and bunnies are very furry and warm. You stay right where you are and I'll cover you up."

Barrington lay on top of the little mouse and hugged him tight. The tiny fellow felt himself surrounded by warm fur. He cried for awhile but soon, snug and warm, he fell asleep.

Barrington had only two thoughts that long, cold night. First he thought, "It's good to be a bunny. Bunnies are very furry and warm." And then, when he felt the heart of the tiny mouse beating regularly, he thought, "All the animals in the forest are my family."

Next morning, the field mice found their little boy, asleep in the snow, warm and snug beneath the furry carcass of a dead bunny. Their relief and excitement was so great that they didn't even think to question where the bunny had come from.
And as for the beavers and the squirrels, they still wonder which member of their family left the little gift for them that Christmas Eve.

After the field mice had left, Barrington's frozen body simply lay in the snow. There was no sound except that of the howling wind. And no one anywhere in the forest noticed the great silver wolf who came to stand beside that brown, lop-eared carcass.

But the wolf did come.

And he stood there.

Without moving or saying a word.

All Christmas Day.

Until it was night.

And then he disappeared into the forest.

From The Way of the Wolf by Martin Bell, copyright 1970. Ballantine ISBN 0-345-30522-1.
All rights reserved. Used by permission.


;

For PirateDaddy

Oops!

I'm so sorry!

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I didn't mean to park in your spot!

Please don't flog me? Well, I mean, unless you feel like it that is. ;)

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Lions For Lambs

We recently watched a DVD of Lions For Lambs, a movie with such big names in the cast it should have been unbeatable. Redford, Streep, Cruise - any name alone enough to carry a film to greatness, although together not enough to pull this film off.

The story of the film was good too, soldiers and war and politics and reporters and apathetic college kids, all elements which could have made a riveting film. The individual performances were good too - but the movie never allowed all of the fine pieces (actors and storyline) to shine. What could have been a blockbuster fizzled due to pussy-footing and pansying around.

I guess the makers of the movie were afraid to call a pig a pig. They were trying to say that the government made very huge mistakes in recent war efforts, without ever criticising the governement. The movie was trying to open eyes so that we wouldn't continue to make mistakes, and would make better choices in the future. But it never really took the stand and came right out and said it. The movie tried to make the case that the media is part of the problem, without ever coming out and saying it.

Were they afraid of offending anyone? This could have been so much better a movie, and won awards, and had the chance to make a difference.

On a more interesting note though, the title comes from a quote attributed to a German General during WWI. Wikipedia says:

The name of the film is derived from a remark made by a German officer during World War I, comparing British soldiers' bravery with the calculated criminality of their commanders. While several reviewers in the UK have criticized the film for misquoting the commonly used phrase of "lions led by donkeys", in an article on the origin of the title, The Times wrote without attribution:
One such composition included the observation, 'Nowhere have I seen such Lions led by such Lambs.' While the exact provenance of this quotation has been lost to history, most experts agree it was written during the Battle of the Somme, one of the bloodiest clashes in modern warfare. While some military archivists credit the author as an anonymous infantryman, others argue that the source was none other than General Max von Gallwitz, Supreme Commander of the German forces. In either case, it is generally accepted to be a derivation of Alexander the Great’s proclamation, 'I am never afraid of an army of Lions led into battle by a Lamb. I fear more the army of Lambs who have a Lion to lead them.

I was much more intrigued by the accepted origin of the quote from Alexander the Great. What a good point, an army of lambs led by a lion is much more effective than an army of lions led by a lamb. Imagine the VietNam conflict or the current situation in the mid-east if we had an army of lambs led by a Lion. Both outcomes would have been markedly different.

This film could have been a box office smash, an artistic smash in terms of awards, and it could have made a difference in the political world. By trying to tip-toe around things a get the point across in a subtle way the makers of the film managed to be a flop at the box office, a flop in the awards, and a flop in the real world.

Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe and call a pig a pig.

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The Power Of Affirmations

At the end of each Monday Motivating Moment, we include an affirmation for the week. Some of our readers have reported using them with great success. Other readers indicate that they read them only once. So what is the deal with affirmations, and how can they be successfully used?

Affirmations are positive statements that, when read and spoken repeatedly, can be very powerful mind and life changers. If you think about it, we all use affirmations, affirming a certain condition, mindset, or situation in our lives.

Most often these affirmations are negative and may include some statements as, "I am not very... smart, athletic, successful, likeable, thin, healthy, etc. I will never be... successful, happy, prosperous, etc."

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Take a moment to reflect upon the statements you repeatedly make about yourself, silently or out loud. Are the statements negative? How do you see your life and does it reflect an underlying belief pattern supported by any negative affirmations? Do you want to change your life and your mindset? If so, affirmations are powerful tools to do just that. So how do you create and use these tools?

1 The statement should be positive, in the present tense, and short. "I am happy, prosperous and successful in all aspects of my life." "I am at my right and perfect weight." "I love to exercise."

2 Repeat the affirmations throughout your day. It is especially helpful to post them where you can see them during the day.

3 Imagine what your life would look and be like as you make your affirmations. Remember, what you see is what you get.

4 Believing the affirmations will bring about quicker results, but sometimes you must repeat the affirmations until you begin to believe them (just as you did when you used negative statements). Act as if the affirmation is already true and watch as it become so.

5 Be persistent in the use of your affirmations. The more serious that you are about making the changes, the more likely you are to use the affirmations. Some affirmations bring about quick results and others require use on a daily basis for weeks or months.

Affirmation for the Week:

"I am a happy, healthy, successful person. I am firm in my beliefs and create the life that I want through positive statements and beliefs.”

Have an affirming week!

Mary Rau-Foster

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Catching My Breath

Life has been insanely busy lately - makes it hard to Blog!

Last week was dear son's birthday, and while he only invited 7 friends over to celebrate, it seemed much more like 70! There is something very large and demanding about 7 young men, around the 17 yr old age. They were large and loud competing at video games on their own Lan network, even larger and louder while trying to outdo one another at the weight bench followed by arm wrestling, and even louder lined up in the backyard with a variety of air-soft rifles, pistols, and shotguns taking target practice. But all that was nothing compared to just how loud and large and demanding they were when it came to food. I severely underestimated the amount of food I needed - not to mention beverages!

And when did birthday celebrations become 3 day affairs?? I swear - I can still sense the excess testosterone in the house!

Then it was off to Olive Garden for dinner with dear friends, fellow submissive women. And really, it's always such a wonderful time with them. I love a wide diversity of people in my life, but there is something relaxing about getting together with other people who think like I do, and "get" me!

Prior to son's birthday W/we celebrated with a dear friend as her daughter turned 21. Such a fun party, great company, food, (they didn't run out!) and a fabulous pool to swim in! I hope it didn't take them as long to recover from the celebration as it's taken me!

Don't get me wrong - son is an only child, and I didn't intend to only have an only child, so I love a houseful of kids! And his friends are great kids too. Perhaps this house is slightly smaller than 7 boys requires, or I'm a little older, or they're a bit hungrier, or I'm not sure what, lol.

I had time to recover though, and less than a week later W/we're celebrating Master's birthday. I volunteered to take His birthday spanking for Him - it's a sacrifice, but He's worth it. ;)

So in less than a week I've baked 2 cakes and provided what seems like a ton of junk food. I think I need to eat a salad! Maybe some broccoli too...

Of course there are still other things going on, more mundane things, and it's just been a little too much, and took away my blogging time!

But I haven't gone anywhere. I'm still here. And in fact, have been trying to transfer some of my older blog entries from a different site over to here. ~k~ told me how to use the Options feature to actually post the entry on the day it was originally posted - so that's wonderful! The only tie up to the whole thing is the other site - it operates sooooooooooo slowly, that it really takes a lot of patience and down time waiting for every page to load up. I guess I'll look at it as a positive exercise for me.

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Keep On Singing!

Most of us are lucky enough to have special friends in our lives - people who brighten our spirits and lift us up, people who help us become the best vision of who we want to be. I'm fortunate to have friends like that too.

Of course, when lifes path gets rocky (as it always does) sometimes even the most inspiring of friends needs help seeing the light. This is when you want to be able to give something back, and help smooth the path.

Christina Aguilera says it very well in her song "Keep on Singin' My Song":

I believe they can take anything from me

But they can't succeed in taking my inner peace

They can say all they wanna say about me

But I'm gonna carry on

Keep on singing my song

Dearest, keep on singing your song - no worries about "them"! Just be well, be happy, and dwell in love.

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The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director, "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized."

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

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Why Wait?

He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options
and talking bout sweet time
I asked him when it sank in
that this might really be the real end
how's it hit you when you get that kinda news
man what'd you do

and he said
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

He said I was finally the husband
that most the time I wasn't
and I became a friend a friend would like to have
and all of a sudden going fishin
wasn't such an imposition
and I went three times that year I lost my dad
well I finally read the good book
and I took a good long hard look
at what I'd do if I could do it all again

and then
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

Like tomorrow was a gift and you got eternity to think about
what'd you do with it what did you do with it
what did I do with it
what would I do with it?

Sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I watched an eagle as it was flying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying

(Tim McGraw, Live Like You Were Dying)